Not Knowing This is Holding your Relationship Back

When you think of your needs, what comes to mind? What usually comes up are things like food, water, air, shelter, and rest. These are vital needs that humans require for survival, safety, and physiological well-being.

We need air to breathe oxygen into our lungs, food to fuel and nourish us, water to hydrate and keep our bodies functioning, and sleep to energize our bodies and minds. We need clothing to shield our bodies from the weather and shelter to protect us from the elements and provide a place to rest. We have physical cues that help us get these needs met. We take deep breaths to get more air, we experience hunger or thirst when we need food or water, and we feel fatigued when our body needs sleep. These are all basic survival needs that must be met in order for us to function. We’re taught to understand them, we pay attention when they aren’t met, and we work to meet them daily.

Another part of being human is that we are hardwired to connect with others. Because of this, there is a whole other set of needs that must be considered. We refer to these as relational needs, and they are met through relationships and social connectedness. What’s tricky is that we cannot meet these needs on our own. They require another person. Some examples of relational needs might be…

Affection – that feeling you get when you walk in the door and you’re greeted with a warm smile

Comfort – when you’ve had a really bad day and someone shows how much they really care by just sitting with you and listening

Appreciation – how good it feels when someone shows gratitude for something you’ve done

Our culture promotes individualism and praises self-reliance, which means that too often these relational needs go unmet. It’s not commonplace to be taught about relational needs or the importance of positive relationships to our overall health. It’s difficult for these needs to be met if we're often unaware that we have them in the first place.

Our bodies give us clues that our basic needs require attention, so what are the clues that our relational needs are going unmet?

When these relational needs are met, we feel secure, loved, and connected to the world around us. We can experience close, intimate relationships. When needs are unmet, we feel alone, disappointed, unseen, and disconnected. This can lead to insecure relationships and a lack of trust.

Relational needs are especially important in romantic relationships. Making a conscious effort to get to know and understand how you can meet your partner’s needs can make your partnership stronger. We boil it down to the top ten important relational needs. While everyone has all ten, we focus on the top three for each person. Knowing these top needs can help you better communicate, promote safety in the relationship, and truly connect to build intimacy.

When was the last time you asked your partner what they needed from you?

Has it been a while? You’re in luck, we have just the thing to help you discover your relational needs and invest in your relationship. Join us November 4th for the Creating Connection Couples Retreat.

Register by Monday, October 16th to receive a $50 discount! Click here for more info.

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-Cat

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5 Mantras to Empower You Today

What’s a mantra?

The word mantra is an ancient Sanskrit word, which roughly translates to “mind tool.” A mantra is a repeated or chanted sound, word, or phrase. One mantra you’re probably familiar with is the om mantra, typically used in meditation. Mantras may be used to evoke an altered or transcendent state.

Where did the practice come from?

Mantras have been used throughout history in meditation. They were first introduced in the Buddhist and Hindu religions and were associated with spiritual practices and rituals. The earliest known mantras were spoken in Sanskrit.

How do I use them?

Mantras may be spoken aloud or simply stated in your mind. You don’t necessarily have to repeat the word or phrase. You may choose to say it only once. Mantras are for your own spiritual or personal wellbeing, and you get to choose how you use them.

Where and why would I use mantras?

Meditation is not the only place where mantras can be integrated. They can help keep you focused, present, and aware. They can help you set your intention for your day or a specific event. Try starting your day with a mantra by adding it into your morning routine. They can be especially helpful when dealing with anxiety and worry. Incorporating mantras into exercises, such as yoga, can help you stay centered during your practice. Mantras can also be used in spiritual practices, such as prayer or spiritual rituals. You can add mantras into your mindfulness practice to focus your awareness on certain areas. They can also be used as personal affirmations. Some people describe a sort of grounding feeling as they repeat a mantra to themselves - a feeling that all is okay and right in the world. For many, the act of speaking mantras is therapeutic.

5 empowering mantras you can try today...

1. Where there’s a will, there’s a way.

This is a personal favorite of mine. It’s one my father has always said. It’s all about finding the motivation inside yourself to accomplish something that may seem nearly impossible. It’s a good mantra for helping you maintain a goal-oriented frame of mind. You can repeat it if you’re having an especially hard time carrying out a task or seeing the finish line.

2. (Breathe in) I receive love. (Breathe out) I give love.

Sometimes, when we’re going through hard times, it can be helpful to feel connected to others – to find common humanity. Coordinating your mantra with your breath can help you connect to your body. Try it out... on an in-breath think, “I receive love.” On an out-breath, “I give love.” And picture sending love to someone who needs it.

3. I am open to receiving whatever the day may bring.

With this one, you’re sending yourself the message that you can be flexible and openly vulnerable. This is a great one for the start of your day. You can also bring your mind back to your intention and repeat it for grounding if you’re having any anxiety about upcoming events during your day.

4. I appreciate the good.

In our fast-paced world, we are often dissatisfied with where we are and what we have. We’re always wanting more. It can be good to strive for goals and look hopefully toward the future, but it’s important to find gratitude for what we do have. This mantra can help you cultivate an attitude of gratitude for the things that are going right.

5. I am enough.

This mantra can be especially helpful for those with perfectionist tendencies and critical self-talk. It speaks to the fact that just being as you already are is just fine and helps you become content with where you are in the moment. You are worthy and lovable just as you are, regardless of whether you’ve lived up to certain expectations.

Many people have mantras that they naturally think to themselves, without even consciously being aware they’re doing it. What are some mantras you often say to yourself? Are they positive or negative? If you’re unsure, start to become more aware of your self-talk. If the tone is on the negative side, it might be time to implement some positive mantras into your life.

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-Hannah

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7 Ways to Invest in your Relationship in October

With the season changing from summer to fall, we’re forced to slow down and spend a bit more time indoors. In summer, we may have been go-go-go, outside frequently, experienced lots of fun activities, and stayed pretty active. In the fall, the weather starts to get cooler (although much more slowly in Texas!), the days get shorter, and there may be fewer social events to attend. It’s a time to reflect on ourselves and our relationships. Are you where you want to be? Are you feeling connected to your partner? Are you investing enough energy in your relationship to keep it strong?

Slowing down during the fall provides a great opportunity to refocus on your relationship and increase intimacy with your partner. Here are just a few ways you can invest in your relationship this month.

1) Plan for the holiday season ahead

Take a little time to pre-plan for the holidays. This time of year can be a fun time with friends and family, but it can also be really stressful. Sit down with your partner and discuss the logistics of what you’ll be doing for each holiday. Discuss whose family you’ll spend time with, when you’ll be going, and agree to be a support system for one another (we all know our families can stress us out during this time of year). On the flip side of that, show your partner you really care by making time spent with your partner’s family just as much of a priority as time spent with your own. You may choose to put your plans on a shared calendar that each of you has access to so there won’t be any confusion. Planning beforehand can save you a lot of headache as you get closer to the holidays by allowing you to prepare as a couple, coordinate with each of your families ahead of time, and prevent you from having last minute arguments about your plans.

2) Have a movie night in

One of the common stresses of the holidays has to do with finances. People get stressed about spending too much money and tend to cut back on outings. This doesn’t have to stop you from taking the time to focus on enjoying a good date night. Staying in for a movie date can save you money, while still giving you a chance to show each other some much needed affection. In truth, you can actually connect in a more meaningful way by staying in to watch a movie with your partner rather than going to the theater. You’re able to be physically closer, and you can cuddle up with one another. Since the weather starts to get a bit more chilly, it’s the perfect time to grab those comfy throw pillows, curl up with your favorite blanket, and enjoy a good film together. Sometimes it’s even fun to take it back to childhood and make a pallet on the floor. You can also pick up some popcorn, classic movie candy, or your favorite drinks to make it feel more like a theater experience. Whether it’s a classic fall flick or a new release, just make sure it’s something you’ll both be into.

3) Do Halloween together

Personally, I love Halloween! It’s my favorite holiday, and I start planning for it months in advance. I love to coordinate costumes with my partner. For us, the act of planning and shopping for all the pieces of the costume is as much fun as dressing up. My favorite was the year we dressed as Peaky Blinders characters. Need some couples costume ideas? You can find tons of inspiration on Pinterest. Some ideas are super cheesy, and some are really clever. Even cheesy can be fun though. If you’ve got kiddos, you can make it a family affair and include them in your costume choice too. Of course, you don’t have to actually coordinate your costumes to have a good time together. You could both dress as whatever you like and join in the festivities. Regardless of how you do it, it’s just more fun when you have others to participate with you.

4) Take interest in your partner’s interests

What is it that your partner really enjoys about this season? Are their interests your interests? They don't have to be. In fact, if they’re not, you’ve got a great opportunity to meet your partner’s attention need by showing them that, while you may not really love what they love, you recognize that it’s important to them. You can make an effort to participate in whatever it is together.

My partner looks forward to football season every year. There’s something about coming together to root for the same team that definitely brings us together. In fact, sharing in a common goal increases connection and is good for the relationship. However, while I enjoy going to games and tailgating, I’m not into watching football on TV quite like my partner is. Honestly, it’s been the source of some arguments in the past. This year, I’m making a conscious effort to sit alongside him during some games and actually engage. Games like football bingo makes it easier on me.

One of the things I enjoy about this time of year is decorating for the holidays. It’s something that my partner will take an interest in and has actually come to enjoy as well in recent years. For me, it’s awesome to be able to do this activity together, and it makes me feel loved when he takes an interest in my idea of crafting some DIY sheet ghosts for our yard.

5) Enjoy a fall festival together

While fall festivals are often enjoyed as a family activity, they can also be fun to do as a couple. While you’re at it, eat a pumpkin doughnut, have some hot apple cider, ride a Ferris wheel, and maybe even go on a hayride. You’re never too old to enjoy a hayride! There are some great festivals around the area. Check out Sweet Berry Farm in Marble Falls if you want an option that’s a little more chill. Or have an eventful, cultural experience at Oktoberfest in Fredericksberg .

6) Decorate pumpkins with one another

From picking out your pumpkins at the local pumpkin patch to finding the perfect carving design, this activity is sure to get your creative juices flowing. Creativity engages different parts of your brain and reduces stress. The act of working toward a common creative goal together promotes partnership. In my house, we’re serious about our pumpkin decorating. Sometimes we carve, sometimes we paint. But it's definitely an event we look forward to every year. We love to mix up a batch of some of our favorite beverages and carve away for hours.

7) Attend a workshop or retreat together

Of course, a way to directly invest in your relationship is to go to a workshop or retreat specifically created to strengthen your bond. Couples workshops are a great way to reconnect with one another on a deeper level and explore the dynamics of your relationship. You may have a great relationship already, but still probably have a few areas where you could both improve. Or you may feel like you've been neglecting some issues that could really use some attention. Either way, setting aside time to talk about these issues in a supportive environment can be helpful. We're putting on one of our recurring day retreats in early November that highlights meeting one another's relational needs, improving communication and emotional understanding, and gaining better conflict resolution skills. It's set in the Texas Hill Country and is a great space to unplug, and get away for the day.

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Whatever you do, the point is to show your relationship some love. Make time for your partner, show some affection, let your partner know you care about what they care about, and be an active participant in your life together. Nurture the relationship. Laugh together. Grow closer.

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-Hannah

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Integrating Yoga with the Enneagram | with Abi Robins

Tell us a little bit about what you do.

I am a yoga instructor and Yoga Therapy Intern who teaches group classes and private sessions in the Austin area. My public classes are vinyasa based and flow from gentle to powerful, depending on the group. My private sessions are what I call yoga and lifestyle coaching. I help people find more balance and ease in their lives through conscious movement, contemplative practices, and lifestyle adjustments. A lot of my focus, currently, is on bringing the ancient teachings of yoga and the Enneagram together to give people the tools and the knowledge to experience deep healing and personal transformation.

What are your passions?

I have so many! This really isn't even fair! Obviously, I love yoga, and I'm a little obsessed with the Enneagram. I am also very passionate about quality coffee. It's an almost constant struggle to enjoy all the coffee I want to without over-caffeinating. DOGS ARE LIFE. Like, no, really. Bring all the dogs to me and let me cuddle them. It may sound cliché, but I would have to say that my greatest passion is people. I love watching people come into their own and learn how to live as their authentic selves. I'm okay with pushing people's buttons if I know it will push/encourage them to grow, and I've been learning lately what it is to really hold space well for people who are in crisis or a big transition. Finding the balance between these two is tricky, but I think this skill has made a huge impact on my clients and my practice as a whole.

Tell us about your journey with the Enneagram.

Well, I was first introduced to the Enneagram by my good friend, Matthias Roberts (he's amazing, look him up: www.matthiasroberts.com), at one of our many post-yoga dinner nights. I was deeply skeptical at first, but the more I got into it, the more it resonated and the hungrier I became for it. The last three years living in Austin have really kicked my Ennea-study into high gear. I've done a couple of intensive classes on it and read countless books, as well as incorporated it into my private yoga sessions. I loved working with the Enneagram and yoga so much, I've even developed and been leading workshops to teach others the basics of using them together. The wisdom I gain about myself and the way I relate to others has always had a huge impact on my yoga practice. I basically learned them both at the same time, so it's hard for me to separate them; I can't really imagine having a yoga practice without what I've learned from the Enneagram or studying the Enneagram without my yoga practice.

Why is it important to you to integrate yoga with the Enneagram?

I like to think about it this way: The Enneagram is an incredible map on your spiritual/inner-personal journey. The Eight Limbs of Yoga is like a killer, souped-up hot rod. If you're practicing yoga without the Enneagram, you're basically doing donuts in your cul-de-sac -- you haven't really set out on your journey yet.  And if you're studying the Enneagram but not engaging in conscious contemplative practices, you're just putting pins in a map of places you'd like to go, but you've never put the key in the ignition. To me, it really feels like yoga and the Enneagram were made for each other, and having one without the other just seems silly.

What’s been your favorite part so far in working with yoga and the Enneagram?

When I work with clients who already know the Enneagram, we are able to move much more quickly into what types of yogic practices and lifestyle adjustments will be most effective. Those clients come in with a lot more "scathing self-honesty"; throw in the common language we share around these delicate subjects, and it really lays a strong foundation for a transformational yoga practice. I also really love teaching workshops. Being able to share the Enneagram with people in a way that is both honoring to the traditions I learned it in and accessible to beginners is a challenge that really brings me a lot of life. Teaching well-studied Ennea-scholars how to put "boots on the ground" and turn their knowledge into applied wisdom through yogic practices is deeply fulfilling.

What can people expect from working with you?

People who want to work with me can expect to be equal parts challenged and supported. I will demand the very best of you, and I will do everything in my power to help you get there. I have a strong intuition and a real knack for helping people navigate and move through difficult passages in their lives. I take this work very seriously, but I don't let that stop me from having a good time with my clients. I always strive to make sure my clients laugh as much as they cry and maybe do both at the same time.

How can people connect with you?

You can connect with me through my social media: @AbiRobinsYoga on Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter. You can also check out my blog and get in contact with me about booking a session through my website: www.abirobinsyoga.com.

I'm also excited to be co-hosting a South Austin Enneagram Meetup, along with Austin Relational Wellness. Our first meetup is next Tuesday, October 3rd from 7-10pm at Stouthaus Coffee. You can find more info about the meetup here.

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-Abi

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Living Life in Community

“If you want to go quickly, go alone. If you want to go far, go together. “ - African Proverb

Last Sunday, during the closing words of a yoga class that just so happened to be taking place in my sunroom, I was reminded of the importance of community. 

Community is an important value to me, both in my career and in my personal life. Most decisions I make are powered by a need to connect with others and a strong belief that things turn out  better when we work together. It’s true, at times, that it’s easier to do things on your own, but I find the extra effort well worth it. It’s making a point to keep in touch with friends, taking a group exercise class, or gathering a handful of people at a coffee shop so we can dive into the Enneagram. These things help me feel rooted, balanced, and motivated by the people around me. 

As a new therapist, I just didn’t feel drawn to a career in a solo practice, and instead, chose to collaborate with two other therapists in a wellness group. Even as a team of three, we still wanted more community connection, so we decided to office at an amazing co-working space full of energetic and supportive wellness professionals. There are so many open, loving, and talented people in this town ready to lead you, share their stories of success (or mistakes), and help you get to where you want to be. I’ve had a few therapist friends relocate to Austin, and what I hear over and over again is how open and welcoming they found the community. In other cities, they experienced closed doors, stiff competition, and information hoarding, which didn’t allow for people to connect and support each other. A supportive community gives people a space to be themselves, share what’s going on in their life, and leave feeling energized.

When I hear community, I think support, love, sharing, connection, spirit, and hospitality. The way I build community is through hospitality. I get a rush of joy from bringing people together. I love to host get-togethers and cook for people, gather friends on a porch to catch up, or plan a camping trip. I find there’s nothing better than a solid hangout. For some, the thought of a dozen friends showing up at their house hungry and ready to kickback all night would be less than ideal, but I live for it. When you get people together, sitting around a yard, a table, or a living room sharing a meal, telling their stories, dreaming with and learning from each other, you find what we all desperately need – connection. 

My friend, Dixie, is in the process of completing her yoga teaching certification. After years of being away, she has found herself back in the ever-changing landscape of Austin. This year brought a career change and a relocation for her, yet she still managed to honor the commitment to herself to become a certified yoga teacher. She completed most of her certification and teaching hours back in Dallas but arrived in Austin needing just one last thing to make it official, a community class. 

Our group of girlfriends jumped at the opportunity to take a class with her and planned for a Sunday afternoon yoga session. We put the word out to other friends, and come Sunday, there were seven of us spread through the house doing sun salutations. There were a few moments where, it being the first yoga class we had all taken together, the silence broke into fits of laughter. Overall, I’d say we did pretty well. The class was challenging, rejuvenating, and seemed to be what we all needed.

Dixie brought our practice to an end with a closing prayer where she thanked us and shared this – “I needed help, I asked for it, and you all showed up .” These simple words created a powerful statement that surprisingly brought several of us to tears. It brought us out of our self reflective yoga bliss to acknowledge that our presence there wasn’t only for us but really mattered to her. I was struck by the vulnerability she displayed by sharing how hard it was for her to ask us for a favor, the gratitude she felt, and the love of the people there in support of her. We felt honored to do a class with her, she felt grateful for our support, so we all felt good!

This moment touched me and led me to reflect on how fortunate I am to be a part of many different communities that support me. Whether it’s family, friends, co-workers, or workout buddies, these communities lift me up and have the power to give me just what I need. It was an important reminder to not only ask for what you need, but to surround yourself with a community that will show up for you. Bottom line, it’s always better when we’re in this together.

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-Cat

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A Non-Morning Person’s Guide to Morning Rituals

In the days before I had a morning routine, I would set at least five alarms, each spaced five minutes apart. I fully intended to wake up on the first alarm. The others were just in case I slept through it, I would tell myself. Yet, each morning consisted of me rolling out of bed at the last possible minute before I knew I would be late, generally after the last alarm had gone off, and I’d already hit snooze multiple times. I would feel groggy and reluctant to get up and face whatever the day would bring. I would rush around trying to find a decent outfit, fix my hair, throw on some makeup, and begin to pull out of the driveway. Then I’d have to run back in the house because I forgot to put on deodorant.

The truth is, I started my day procrastinating and bringing anxiety upon myself. I felt anxious all the way to work or wherever I was going. I couldn’t enjoy my drive or mentally prepare myself for my day ahead, because I was consumed with worrying about the fact that I might be late.

Finally, I got sick of living like this and decided that I wanted something different.

In thinking about what I wanted for myself, I basically wanted the opposite of all of that. I wanted to be more prepared, more relaxed, and look forward to what life had in store for me each day.

And slowly but surely, I’m gaining that. I’m not perfect. Some days are still a struggle, but if I even do just one thing on my list of morning rituals, it makes a difference. It makes a difference in my attitude, my productivity, and my ability to be my best self for the people in my life.

Here are some rituals that I find helpful and some tips for how you can implement them into your own life.

Visualization before bed

This step is especially helpful for the non-morning person. Before you go to sleep, instead of mentally listing off all of the things you have to do the next day, close your eyes and take a few minutes to just visualize yourself getting up in the morning. Picture yourself enjoying the part of your routine that you’re most excited about. Whether you think you’ll actually enjoy it or not, just pretend that you will.

Maybe it’s the smell of the coffee you’ve set to brew before you wake, the time you’ve set aside for quiet meditation, or the new yoga routine you found on YouTube. Whatever it is, just see yourself getting up and willingly participating in your routine. Think about the good that it will do for your body and how accomplished and proud you will feel when you finish.

Oh, and don’t set a gazillion alarms. You’re just making it easy to renege on your promise to yourself to do better. For my own peace of mind, I still set two though… just in case.

Meditation

I’ve found that it helps me to be more mindful during the day if I start off my day with meditation. Of course, to meditate you need to have a calm, quiet space. Figure out what’s best for you and when you’ll be able to cultivate this space. It may not be the very first step in your routine. However, if you have a busy household with lots of moving parts, it might be easiest to find this silence first thing in the morning.

For me, this is the first step in my routine and the single most important ritual. If I do nothing else, I do this.

Sometimes I get out my yoga mat, pull back the curtains, and soak up the sun during meditation. Sometimes I don’t even get out of bed and just sit up and meditate right there instead. My goal is to one day be able to actually meditate in pure silence. Until then, I find guided meditations to be the most helpful in keeping my mind from wandering. There are tons of good ones online. Some of my personal favorites are the self-compassion meditations by Kristin Neff.

Visualization of the day ahead

I find it helpful to move right into visualization after meditation. Your body is already in a calm, focused state and is ready for this ritual. If you’re already in a meditation posture, you can just stay where you are. If not, either lie down or sit in a comfortable position. Just as you may have visualized yourself completing your morning routine the night before, now close your eyes and visualize your day ahead.

Start with what you’ll do after you’re done with the visualization. Will you move on to the remainder of your routine? Cook yourself breakfast? Walk the dog? Will you dress in an outfit that makes you feel good? How will the rest of your morning go? Will you greet your coworkers? Will you eat a nourishing meal for lunch? What types of interactions will you have with others around you? When will you go home? Will you sing in the car on your way home? Pick up the kids? Call your partner? Will you cook dinner, or will someone cook for you? What will you do with your evening? What feelings will you have about your day? Was it a good day?

Your visualization can be as long or as short as you like. Just make it detailed. Obviously, your day may not turn out exactly as you had visualized it. You know this, and you can be flexible.  

 

Give yourself some positive affirmations

Everyone has areas where they struggle to feel as good as they’d like to feel. Vocalizing positive affirmations aloud, especially about those areas of struggle, can create a positive mindset. Start off your day with confident self-talk, and cultivate a positive attitude about who you are and what you do. You can create your own affirmations based on your unique needs or look up some that may resonate with you.

To create your own, think about these things… How do you want to feel? To act? Who do you want to become? Then tell yourself that you are or will do these things. For example:

“I am feeling strong and healthy today.”

“Today, I will remember to be compassionate toward myself.”

“I am kind and loving to those around me.”

“I will be successful today.”

“Today, I will practice being mindful and patient.”

Make them meaningful to you. Tell yourself you are the person you want to be on a regular basis, and eventually, you’ll begin to believe it.

Movement

In our busy world, exercise has become a chore for many people. Unfortunately, most of us don’t get enough of it. This morning ritual is about finding space to actually enjoy movement.

It can be simple or complex, easy or intense, quick or lengthy. It’s your practice. You may choose to take your dog on a brisk walk or do a few full-body stretches to wake your body. You may want to use this time to get your workout on, whether it’s at home, the gym, or in a class. Your source of movement may be different everyday. The important thing is just to find enjoyment in treating your body well at the beginning of your day.

One of my personal favorite types of morning movement is yoga. It really adds to my mindfulness meditation experience. Check out Yoga with Adriene for some great at-home yoga classes. Plus, she’s local.

And sometimes you get to go to Colorado and do yoga outside by the river with your partner...

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If you’re reading this and thinking that you don’t have time and that this all sounds like too much to do before you even get dressed, I can guarantee that you’ll be much more energized and productive during your day if you give it a chance. In fact, just pick one morning ritual to start, and see what happens. You can add more as you go and adjust so that you can make time. You can even create your own rituals based on your needs or seek out other resources with more ideas. The book The Miracle Morning: The Not-So-Obvious Secret Guaranteed to Transform Your Life (Before 8AM) has some great detailed steps and tips.

The main thing is, find what works for you. Add, takeaway, rearrange, whatever you need to do to make morning rituals fit into your lifestyle. This practice has helped many people, and it’s definitely helped me – a non-morning person turned morning(ish) person.

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-Hannah

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5 Podcasts I'm Loving Right Now

Dear Sugars

http://www.wbur.org/dearsugar

The Dear Sugars podcast is an advice column hosted by Cheryl Strayed and Steve Almond. Listeners send in their burning questions, and the Sugars dish out loving, yet honest, advice using what Cheryl calls “radical empathy.” Each episode begins with Cheryl reminding her listeners that “the universe has good news for the lost, lonely, and heartsick. Dear Sugars is here, speaking straight into your ears.” The podcast fields questions about life’s deep and dark issues, from heartbreak and family struggles to job loss. A good friend of mine pointed me to Dear Sugars when I was going through a rough patch. Knowing that other people were asking these hard life questions provided comfort and connection.

Typology

https://www.typologypodcast.com/

Typology explores the mystery of the human psyche through the lens of the Enneagram, an ancient system describing nine distinct and fundamentally different personality types. Typology is hosted by author, speaker, and therapist, Ian Morgan Cron. Each episode, Ian interviews business leaders, psychologists, artists, authors, and other prominent figures who use the Enneagram for their own personal growth. The best way to learn about the Enneagram is by hearing people tell their stories, so this podcast is great for newcomers and longtime Enneagram followers alike. Listen in to discover your type, gain insight into your growth areas, and become a more authentic version of yourself.

The Shauna Niequist Podcast

https://relevantmagazine.com/series/the-shauna-niequist-podcast/

Well, it’s no mystery to my friends that I love Shauna Niequist. I initially heard her interviewed on one of my other favorite podcasts, The Road Back to You, and was drawn to her because we are the same Enneagram type. I share so many of her interests and struggles. For me, this podcast feels like hanging out with a good girlfriend. Shauna is a speaker and author who has penned several New York Times bestsellers, including Cold Tangerines, Bread & Wine, and Present Over Perfect. This podcast features interviews with other leaders, thinkers, and authors and covers topics about life, relationships, purpose, family, and faith.

Up and Vanished

http://www.upandvanished.com/

What happened to Tara Grinstead? If you’re up for a good mystery, tune in to find out. Up and Vanished is an investigative podcast that dives into the disappearance of the Georgia beauty queen who went missing in 2005. This case remained unsolved for the past 11 years until an amateur investigator, Payne Lindsey, started examining the case and asking questions. Small town gossip, police cover-ups, and faulty evidence keeps you coming back, but fair warning, this podcast is long. There are 24 episodes, along with hours of bonus features. It’s perfect for a long road trip or a rainy day.

36 Questions

https://www.twoupproductions.com/shows/36questions

Truth be told, I'm just starting this one, but when I heard this was a musical podcast, I knew I would be in. 36 Questions tells the story of a couple trying to save their marriage using the ever popular New York Times article, “The 36 Questions That Lead to Love”. The idea that mutual vulnerability fosters closeness is behind the questions, meant to promote connection and sharing. The podcast stars Jonathan Groff (of ‘Hamilton’ and ‘Glee’) and newcomer, Jessie Shelton. I’m interested to see how this podcast format pans out for musicals.

What are some of your favorites?

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-Cat

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What to Expect from A First Counseling Session

So you’re thinking about going to therapy…

If you’re like most people who’ve never been before, you’re probably a little apprehensive at the thought.

For many people, the fear of going to therapy has more to do with the anxiety of not knowing what will happen than anything else. The more familiar you are with the process and events of counseling, the more comfortable you’ll be when you go. While your experience will be different depending on your therapist or the facility you choose to go to, there are a few things you can expect from a typical first session.

After you’ve scheduled your session, it can be helpful to prepare yourself for the experience. We have a specific page on our website that tells our clients what to expect, from how to schedule an appointment to arriving for the first counseling session. You can look on your counselor’s website for a similar page or document. If they don’t have one, you can always call and ask.

There are often a lot of nerves involved with trying to navigate to your counselor’s office, making sure you arrive on time, and waiting with anticipation for your first session. When you first arrive at the office, take some time to acquaint yourself with the space. Some have waiting rooms with receptionists that can give you instructions, and some do not. Many therapists work in shared office spaces or group practices. Typically, if there is no one for you to check in with, all you will need to do is just come in and sit down. Many times, you can help yourself to complimentary refreshments while you wait. Your counselor will come get you when it’s time for your appointment or give you some paperwork to fill out beforehand.

The required paperwork varies from counselor to counselor, but one thing you can be sure to find is an informed consent document. This document outlines your therapist’s credentials, the nature of counseling, limits to confidentiality, and any other information your therapist wants you to know. Be sure to read over this document carefully. You’ll go over it verbally at the very beginning of your first session, and you’ll be able to ask any questions you may have.

After going over the paperwork with your counselor, you’ll probably have a lot of things spinning around in your head. Your therapist will typically direct you with questions about your life. The first session is really a “getting to know you” type of session. You are building a new relationship with your therapist. To best help you, your therapist needs some information about who you are. This may include your hobbies, occupation, day-to-day activities, current relationships, and oftentimes, your family of origin. Your counselor will also want more information about why you’re there and what you want to get out of therapy. If you’re going in for couples counseling or family therapy, your counselor will want to get a sense of the dynamics between everyone involved. Each of your perspectives will be considered and asked about.

You may also be worried or fearful about breaking down or crying. You’ve probably got some painful emotions built up. Don’t worry too much about this, your counselor is used to crying. And while it may be uncomfortable, it can be cathartic to just let out that build-up of emotions. Your therapist will help you learn to navigate them and become more comfortable with vulnerability.

Remember, you can always call your therapist to ask any questions that you may have beforehand. Everyone has different practices and ways of doing things, but the important thing to know is that it’s truly not as scary as it may seem. Many people really enjoy the growth experience once they start.

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-Hannah

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8 Reasons to Give Therapy a Try

People seek out therapy for wide variety of reasons. Some go to therapy to process relationship issues or to aid in healing from a breakup or divorce. Many people come to counseling to build their self-esteem and work towards living a more confident and happy life, while others turn to therapy when feeling overwhelmed with general life stressors or when experiencing grief from a significant loss.

We all go through rough patches and struggles in life, and sometimes seeking the help of a licensed therapist can get you through the hard times. We mentioned some of the life events that would lead people to therapy, but when do you know it’s time? Here are a few reasons you might seek therapy...

1. You feel stuck.

When you’re feeling stuck, it can seem like no matter what you try, it still feels hopeless. Sometimes “stuck” may be that you know what you need to do but are having a difficult time getting there on your own.

2. You feel disconnected from others around you.

We believe that, as humans, we are hardwired to relate to one another, so feeling disconnected from others around you or experiencing isolation can affect many parts of your wellbeing. It may also be that you no longer enjoy hanging out with your friends or doing activities that you used to enjoy.

3. You’ve been talking a problem in circles with your family and friends.

Having close relationships with family and friends is super beneficial. It’s so important to have a support system to lean on! At times, though, it’s especially helpful to have an unbiased and skilled therapist help you through the most difficult of life’s challenges.

4. People in your life like to tell you what you should do.

Again, we love a good support system; however, in friendships it can be difficult to watch someone stumble through a rough patch. People tend to show they care by trying to minimize pain and make it better. This sometimes translates to a lot of unsolicited advice that is not as helpful as intended.

5. It feels like you’re not measuring up.

In the world of social media, social comparison is running rampant, and it can be easy to slip into unhealthy thinking patterns. Therapy can help process these feelings and help you get a game plan in place to get to where you want to be.

6. Your self-talk is critical and negative.

Take a minute to reflect on your internal critic, a.k.a. the voice in your head. How does this voice sound? We are typically much harder on ourselves than we would be to even a stranger on the street. Sometimes changing your negative and critical self-talk can be the first step towards growth.

7. You are experiencing unexplained physical symptoms like headaches, stomach problems, or sleep difficulties.

Emotional stress can manifest in a number of ways, and oftentimes, it results in physical ailments. When your body feels off, and there is not a medical explanation, it may be time to explore your emotional stress levels to help you get back on track.

8. You are self-medicating with alcohol or drugs.

When you find yourself turning to drugs or alcohol more than you used to, you may be using these substances to numb pain or emotional issues. Therapy can help you cope with these emotions in healthier ways.

What are some of the reasons you’ve found yourself in therapy?

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-Cat, Hannah, & Colleen

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Welcome!

We are an Austin Couples Therapy, Marriage Counseling, and Individual therapy group. Our blog is meant to serve as a resource for our community. Our hope is that you find some tidbits within our content that can help you in your relationships in one way or another - whether it’s your relationship with your spouse, significant other, or yourself, we hope you enjoy our content and take away something useful!

You can expect regular posts about the following topics:

Transformation

Therapy and wellness are centered around transformation, so we publish posts on all things personal growth, couples therapy, relationships, marriage counseling, and more. This may be tips for self-improvement or inspirational progress that we witness in therapy. It may also include insight into the couples therapy or individual therapy process, and tips from our Austin couples therapists on making your relationship or marriage better!

What We’re Up To

We’ll fill you in on what’s going on with us, like updates on our experiences in the community, classes we’ve taken, workshops we’ve been to, or general events around Austin. We’ll also share things we’ve found helpful in our own lives that may be valuable to you too, such as certain practices, articles, books, or podcasts we find interesting.

Mental Health

Of course, you’ll find information about mental health here! Though we may write about a variety of topics, we’ll focus mainly on our interests and passions. These may include destigmatizing mental health disorders, healthy relationships, or tips on managing mental health issues like depression and anxiety.

Holistic Wellness

Holistic wellness emphasizes the body, mind, and soul working together in harmony. It is the recognition that all parts of you affect your whole being. On our blog, not only will we include information about mental health, but you’ll also learn about the roles of physical exercise, nutrition, and spirituality on your overall health. We’ll help you see how these fit together to create a healthier, happier you.

Millennial Life

We have a special place in our hearts for young adults. We love to help millennials confidently launch themselves into the world. Here, we’ll dissect the realities of millennial life and give you tips on navigating #millennialproblems… because they’re real, despite what the rest of the world thinks.

Guest Features

We’re stoked to feature other Austinites on our blog! There are so many people in this city doing great things. On occasion, you’ll find interviews and spotlights on a variety of folks we find intriguing and inspiring. These may be fellow therapists, yogis, entrepreneurs, nutritionists, or experts in their field, to name a few.

Our team is excited to share our passions with you! We’re glad you’re here, and we invite engagement with our content.

Reach out to us to connect with one of our therapists!

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- The Austin Relational Wellness Team

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