Panic Attacks vs. Anxiety | How to Know the Difference

 

If you or a loved one has experienced a panic attack or anxiety, you understand how intense these conditions can feel, both emotionally and physically. Depending on how distressing the symptoms are, a person’s close relationships can be strained or negatively affected due to confusion about the condition or lack of support. 

In this three-part blog series, we’ll first outline some of the differences between the conditions, and in the following two posts, we’ll offer some ways to support others trying to manage these conditions.

How do panic attacks and anxiety differ?

Panic attacks and anxiety are two terms that are often used interchangeably, but they actually refer to two different experiences. 

A panic attack is a sudden and intense feeling of fear or anxiety that is often accompanied by a variety of physical symptoms, such as increased heart rate, shortness of breath, dizziness, and/or chest pain. These attacks can be triggered by various situations or environments. Panic attacks can feel so severe that they may feel like a heart attack or other medical emergency.

In comparison, anxiety is a more persistent and ongoing feeling of worry, stress, or fear that can interfere with daily activities. Anxiety can be a normal response to stress, but it can also be a symptom of an anxiety disorder. Anxiety disorders are more severe and enduring forms of anxiety and include generalized anxiety disorder, social anxiety disorder, or phobias.

One key difference between panic attacks and anxiety is the intensity and duration of the symptoms. Panic attacks are typically more intense and shorter in duration compared to anxiety, which tends to be a more chronic condition. Another difference is that panic attacks are often triggered by specific stimuli or situations, while anxiety can be more persistent and may not have a specific trigger.

What can be done to manage either of these conditions? 

Treatment for panic attacks and anxiety may involve similar approaches, such as therapy, medication, and relaxation techniques. However, the specific treatment plan will depend on the severity and cause of the symptoms. Both panic attacks and anxiety can be treated effectively with the right approach. If you or a loved one are experiencing symptoms of either condition, help from a mental health counselor or medical professional can be an important step in managing these conditions and improving overall well-being.


Check back in the next couple of months for additional blog posts that outline specific ways you can support someone experiencing a panic attack or anxiety.


Article by Lindsay Poth, MA, LMFT Associate

Offering Individual Therapy for Women in Life Transitions, Individual Therapy for Men, & Couples Therapy in Austin, TX


 

Self-care for Adult Children of Aging Parents

 

You blink, time flies, and coping with the aging process begins.

Wasn’t it just yesterday that my mother was picking me up from school? Now I’m wondering when she won’t be able to drive anymore. Does this mean I have to drive her?

I remember when my dad and I would bond over hikes. Now he has to take Advil and use ice packs. When will our last hike be? Am I really an adult now?

These are just some of the thoughts that might run through your mind as you watch your parents age.

Watching people you love go through something challenging can be a difficult process. It also influences our own meaning-making of who we once were and who we are now, especially as it pertains to inevitable change, mortality, and the meaning of life and legacy.

In this blog post, we will explore aspects of coping with aging parents.

Experiencing Change and Grief When Dealing with Aging Parents: Check in with Yourself

Ask yourself the following questions: 

  • How does this process impact you?

  • Does it bring up anxiety or depression?

  • Do you have a sibling to talk to or a friend that can validate your experience?

  • Would it be helpful to organize the logistics of care management?

  • Are there things you want to say to your parents?

Therapy is a great space to process the experience of coping with aging parents. Self-care and support groups are also useful resources. Try to notice the feelings, thoughts, and sensations of change and grief.

Mortality: Accepting Life and Death

Thinking about death can stir up many emotions. It is scary, sad, and yet, part of life.

What does mortality mean to you and do for you? Some might pre-mourn the inevitable. Some may not feel ready yet. Understanding and embracing the circle of life is an important step.

BJ Miller, a palliative care doctor, talks about end-of-life planning and has a great Ted Talk on thinking about death and honoring life.

Legacy and Meaning of Life: Being the Caregiver

What does caregiving to a parent look like to you?

Take the time to reflect on how you want to step into the role of caregiver. It is important to honor yourself and to acknowledge that the roles have changed and that it’s okay if it feels strange. Talking to others about their experiences and sharing stories may validate your experience and provide you with ideas. Remember, it is a transition that is new and unfamiliar, which can drum up mixed emotions. You can honor the emotions and experience by talking about it.

What is it you love about your parent(s)? What are you grateful for? What stories do you want to know about their life? It’s important to celebrate your parent while they are alive.

Write them a letter. Ask them questions. When you look back, what would you regret not saying or doing? Do it now. 

Examining our own relationship to aging and death is a bizarre part of life. Be gentle with yourself and open to how you need support during this time. 

If you’re struggling with processing and accepting living with an aging parent, especially if you’re experiencing symptoms of anxiety or depression, therapy is a resource that can help.


Article by Sarah Imparato, MA, LMFT Associate

Offering Austin Couples Therapy & Individual Therapy in Austin, Texas


 

The Impact of Life Transitions

 

If you compare your life today to your life 10 years ago, 5 years ago, 1 year ago, or even 1 month ago, what has remained the same, and what has changed? 

Of the aspects of your life that have changed, were the changes immediate or did they transition from one state to another over a longer period of time? 

When you consider each change that you have noted in response to the prompts above, you probably remember how easy or difficult those experiences were for you. Change can feel empowering, awkward, joyful, painful, exhilarating, sad, exciting, frustrating – all types of feelings, sometimes all at once. Big changes can take many forms, they can unfold in different timeframes, they can move you into new phases in life, and they can also leave you feeling disoriented as you adjust and settle into your new norm.

Common types of life transitions are:

  • those you have planned and are currently taking action on - examples of these may include moving houses, changing jobs, or getting married.

  • those you anticipate but have not yet taken action on – examples of these can be similar to those previously discussed – moves, job changes, relationship status changes – and they can also include events on your long-term horizon like building your dream home, retiring, or becoming a grandparent.

  • those that you do not expect – examples of these may include losing your job, getting a divorce, or a loved one passing away.

Regardless of the type of change you are experiencing, moving from one way of being to another can stir up a complex set of emotions. Different types of transitions can impact different people in different ways, and this can then cause a set of seemingly contradictory feelings. For example, consider your child growing up and moving to college. This change can incite a sense of hope for what is yet to come for your child’s future, but this event can also carry distressing emotions such as sadness and grief. These emotions can arise either during their moving out or after they leave home – you realize that aspects of the old life you knew are no longer part of the life you are now living. By acknowledging that all types of change can be challenging, you make room for your entire emotional experience.


Whether you are male, female, or non-binary, old, young, or somewhere in between, married, single, divorced, or if it’s complicated, change in life is inevitable and can sometimes feel hard to manage on your own. Engaging with a therapist and initiating therapy, either with your partner in couples therapy or on your own in individual therapy, can help you manage and process the entire range of emotions you experience during transitions.


Article by Lindsay Poth, MA, LMFT Associate

Offering Individual Therapy for Women in Life Transitions, Individual Therapy for Men, & Couples Therapy in Austin, TX


 

A New Way to Approach the New Year, Sans the Resolution

 

Another year, another resolution. Do you sometimes feel like you are going through the motions, and then it hits you… it’s Christmas again… suddenly it’s another New Year's Eve. Then you start thinking about what your resolution was last year…

“Was I supposed to go on a diet or get a gym membership?

Run a marathon?

Book a dream trip?”

Did it happen? What if, instead of creating a bucket list or a goal, you approached the new year with a sense of self and focused on inner growth, mindfulness, and meaning?

Growth

Instead of looking at the year and what you "should" or "shouldn't" do, explore where you have grown and where you want to grow. On a piece of paper, write down the things you wish to leave behind — perhaps it is shame or a toxic friendship. You might even wish to ceremonially burn this list in the act of letting go. Then, on another piece of paper, write down what you want to take with you — perhaps it is spending more time with family or saving money. Next, make a list of what you love about yourself and what you are proud of accomplishing in the last year.

Mindfulness

Research shows that being present is key to having a better quality of life. About 95% of the time, we are on autopilot, so why not slow down and become more aware of our thoughts, behaviors, and actions? One way to be present is through being mindful. Mindfulness is defined as finding purposeful ways to live in the present moment. There are many mindful practices, including yoga, journaling, and breathing. 

Here are a couple of other mindfulness practices you can try implementing into your daily routine:

Wake up with gratitude and purpose: When you wake up, don't immediately go for your phone. Instead, put your hand over your heart and name three things you are grateful for. Then ask yourself what your purpose is today.

Intentional Eating: When you eat, chew slower. Try to notice the flavors, and be grateful for your meal.

Meaning

When we are mindful, we can access our consciousness more. Greater Good Magazine authors and researchers write a lot about happiness and meaning. One recent study found that people were happier when they lived more meaningful lives. As psychiatrist and psychotherapist Viktor Frankl theorized, research shows you can find meaning through experience, understanding, and purpose. 

Experience: This can be through a walk in nature or a concert with a loved one. How do you currently create significance in experiences? 

Understanding: Another way we make meaning in life is by making sense of it. A great way to explore this is through individual therapy. Some examples of questions that may be explored in individual therapy are: “Do I accept my family?” or “Are my basic needs being met?”

Purpose: The third way to find meaning is through purpose. What is your purpose, and why is it important to you? Is it helping to care for a loved one? Having children? Donating your time to charitable efforts? Are you doing something beyond yourself?

This year, consider forgoing the typical resolution and cultivating a growth mindset, mindfulness, and meaning. Focusing on these areas will surely build a lifetime of legacy more meaningful than unrealized resolutions.

If you could use a guide to help you explore, I’m currently accepting new clients for individual therapy.


Article by Sarah Imparato, MA, LMFT Associate

Offering Couples Therapy & Individual Therapy in Austin, Texas


 

How Date Night Can Help | Moving on From the Crisis That Brought You to Couples Therapy

 

There are times when your relationship or marriage feels so-so – when you’re feeling like things are going okay – not bad but also not great. There may be a strong desire and longing for your relationship to be more enjoyable. This can be a common feeling for couples who have just been through a crisis.

If you’re a couple who has started going to couples therapy, these feelings can arise after you and your partner have weathered the crisis that brought you to couples therapy and after you’ve reached a sustained period of time with an even level of stability within your partnership. 

Our relationship isn’t on fire or burning down anymore, but are we really enjoying ourselves?

After you’ve been through any stressful relational situation, there’s a good chance those events have changed some aspects of you as a person, how you view life, or how you view your relationship. The events have also probably changed your partner and your interactions in your relationship. 

How can we start to enjoy each other’s company again?

When you think about times you felt good with your partner, you may think about the experiences you’ve had together or the memories you have made during your relationship, prior to your crisis. One strategy to start to feel more positively toward your partner is to take or make opportunities to create more positive experiences to add to your memory bank. 

Would a date night help?

Date nights can help, and there are strategies that can increase the chance your date night will be a positive experience. The success of a date night doesn’t depend only on spending dedicated, quality time with your partner. Novel experiences – an encounter that both of you are trying for the first time – can take your date nights to a new level of enjoyment. When we try new things, our brain’s reward system is activated, and we produce some of the same chemicals that are also associated with romantic love. 

If you take the opportunity to try something new, you may learn something new about yourself, you may learn something about your partner, or you’ll try a new place. Ideas for introducing new experiences to date night can be as simple as changing your dinner venue to a restaurant neither of you has been to before. You can also get more creative and book a cooking class or try stand up paddle boarding. 

Approach experiences with your partner from a place of adventure, creativity, and curiosity, and you’ll have a better chance to create connections with your partner that take your relationship or marriage from feeling okay to feeling good again.


If you’re struggling to move forward from the relationship crisis that brought you into couples therapy in the first place, this is a great thing to bring up in your next couples therapy session.

Not yet in couples therapy or marriage counseling but having a difficult time navigating a crisis or getting back to a good place? Reaching out for couples therapy could be a step in the right direction.


Article by Lindsay Poth, MA, LMFT Associate

Offering Couples Therapy in Austin, TX


 

Feeling Disconnected When You’re Apart? | How Couples Communicate to Get Connected

 

How do you keep from feeling disconnected from your partner when the two of you are physically apart?

Relationships and marriages have their ups and downs – times when you feel close to your partner and times when you feel more distant. These feelings can be enhanced when you and your partner are unable to achieve or maintain physical proximity – such as when one of you is traveling or when one of you has to put in longer hours at work.

Furthermore, if you’re in a challenging phase of your relationship due to unexpected stresses, you may need extra support from your partner. Here, we discuss a few ideas to help you proactively take action to stay and feel connected while you’re apart.

Be open and communicate about feeling disconnected

Sometimes, there is a misalignment between when we feel connected or disconnected from our partner and when our partner feels connected or disconnected from us. If you’re away from home to take care of your mother who just had surgery, you may be so busy that you don’t even notice a disconnection, but your partner could be feeling very distant from you. If you’re starting to feel some distance growing for yourself, share this feeling with your partner, and encourage them to do the same.

How do we prevent disconnection from happening when we are physically separated?

To become aware of your own sense of connection, one question you can ask yourself is:

“In previous times when we’ve been apart, when have I felt the most connected to my partner?”

Examples of these moments could be:

  • when they sent good morning or good night texts

  • when they called to check in on your day or you did the same for them

  • when you shared that you missed them and they said they missed you too

  • when they asked to make a video call to wish you good luck on your big presentation at work

The potential for small moments like these are endless, and these types of moments will be unique to both you and your partner.

Before you’re apart, you and your partner could make a list of these types of moments and share them with each other. Commit to each other that you’ll implement one item from the other’s list each day you’re physically apart.  If you have conversations before you’re in different physical locations and too far down the road of disconnection, you’ll have a better chance of staving off more significant feelings of separateness.

Review what worked and what didn’t

After a period of time apart, have a discussion about what moments cultivated a sense of connection for each of you and plan to implement those efforts during future times you’re apart.


If disconnection is something that affects your relationship or marriage and you feel you could use a little extra help navigating the shift toward greater connection, couples therapy or marriage counseling can help. Reach out to find out more about if couples counseling is right for you.


Article by Lindsay Poth, MA, LMFT Associate


 

Tips from a Therapist on Coping with Pet Loss & Grief

 

If you’ve ever had a pet, you’ve experienced how animals love us unconditionally. They know all parts of us and are our “fur babies”, which can make it so hard to process when they are sick or when they pass. In fact, research has shown losing a pet can hit harder than losing a human for some people.

Lately, I have had a handful of conversations with friends about making difficult decisions, such as having to put their dog down or their cat suddenly getting sick. They’ve described how the experiences filled them with a rush of anxiety and panic and left them wondering how to cope. Personally, I have a senior dog that is aging, and I too have explored what grief due to pet loss looks like.

Understanding your grief and loss

According to Elisabeth Kubler-Ross, it is widely accepted in the therapist community that grief has 5 stages - denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. While they are called stages, they don’t always go in a particular order, so it’s important to honor where you are at any given moment.

The first few days may hit you the hardest. When you don’t hear their paw steps or there’s no one wagging their tail at the door to greet you, it can be difficult.

Like any time you are struggling, you want to be sure you are meeting your basic needs and that you are eating, sleeping, going to work, and meeting obligations. Around the month mark, you may want to assess if it feels more like depression than grief. In a future post, I’ll touch on the differences between grief and depression.

Find ways to process the grief and loss 

One way to process grief is through ceremony. Prior to your pet passing, give them their best moments before saying goodbye — a steak, a walk on the beach, and all the “I love you’s”. If you can, create a ceremony to celebrate their life. You can even hold a service with your community of friends. 

Take the space you need 

It is okay to take a personal day from work. In fact, some companies honor pet loss as a family loss. You can also find ways to grieve such as:

1. Find a support group or system

2. Write your pet a letter

3. Know that your grief is valid

4. Don’t compare your grief to others’

5. Honor when and if you want to have another pet join your family

6. Acknowledge that it is okay to cry and have waves hit you suddenly

7. Talk about your pet and share memories with those around you

8. Talk to a therapist


Article by Sarah Imparato, MA, LMFT Associate

Austin, TX Grief & Loss Therapist


 

How to Overcome Gridlocked Conflict | Tips from an Austin Couples Therapist

 

In this final post of our blog series, we’ll explore gridlocked problems – types of perpetual problems that have the potential to cause real damage to your relationship. If you’re new to this series, go check out the previous posts on Why Couples Have the Same Arguments Over and Over Again, 3 Types of Problems Partners Face in Couples Therapy, and Will Recurring Arguments Keep Us From Having a Happy Relationship?

We will use Scenario C from this series’ original post to explore how this couple might approach a perpetual problem that has turned gridlocked:

Kate and Danny have been married for six years. They are currently in an argument over Danny’s lack of attention to their yard. When they got married, they discussed that Kate would be in charge of most of the indoor chores and Danny would be responsible for everything outside, including the yard. Kate refers to herself as a ‘recovering perfectionist’, and she takes pride in the tidy home she keeps. When she started dating Danny, she noticed that he was messier than she was, but she decided that if she took over the home and Danny could just keep up the yard, she’d be able to tolerate their differences in how they organize things. Danny feels the yard looks fine, and compared to the other yards in their neighborhood, the time he spends on the yard work is adequate. In his mind, their yard doesn’t look as bad as the other yards in the neighborhood, and he feels Kate is overreacting.

In The Seven Principles of Making Marriage Work, Dr. John Gottman and Nan Silver explain that perpetual problems can morph into gridlocked problems when a couple becomes frustrated with the repeated cycling of the same argument and they don’t see any progress towards a solution. Couples experience this type of argument in a particularly painful way since it is characteristically steeped with criticism and feelings of rejection by your partner. Kate and Danny’s scenario illustrates how their argument has turned into one where they both feel judged and rejected by each other.

The scenario notes that Kate voices her displeasure with Danny by calling him lazy and worthless; Danny responds by withdrawing, refusing to discuss the issue, and disconnecting from Kate – neither partner is making an effort to understand why the other has become so upset. In gridlocked problems, there are usually personal dreams of one or both partners that are being unfulfilled. Unless an effort is made to uncover these, no progress will be made to manage the disagreement.

So, how do they solve this issue? Each partner could explore any hidden dreams they have within the gridlocked conflict. Kate’s dream may be that she wants to feel prioritized in her relationship or that she wants to feel a sense of order at home. Danny’s dream may be to feel a consistent sense of autonomy in a relationship or feel that he’s able to relax and not have things look perfect. After exploring these dreams for themselves, Kate and Danny could then share these desires with each other, refraining from using criticism of each other’s deeper story

Since research shows that most of all marital problems are perpetual problems, meaning they will recur, even healthy relationships will experience the same arguments over and over again. I hope this series has helped to show you how to identify and manage solvable, perpetual, and gridlocked problems.

If you feel you and your partner could benefit from a little extra help navigating your own marital problems, couples therapy or marriage counseling can help. Your couples therapist can guide you in communicating and understanding one another on deeper levels to increase your connection for a stronger, more fulfilling relationship.


Article by Lindsay Poth, MA, LMFT Associate


 

8 Self-Compassion Exercises for Critical Self-Talk

 

In my previous post, I talked about the importance of self-compassion in coping with symptoms of depression and anxiety. In this blog post, I will follow up with 8 self-compassion exercises prepared by local Austin, TX self-compassion researcher and writer, Kristin Neff. These exercises can help you learn to shift out of critical self-talk and increase your mental health. 

Exercise 1:  Talk to Yourself Like a You Would a Loved One

If your best friend was struggling, think about how you would respond… Compare this to your own self-talk. Have you ever found that what you say to yourself is much harsher than what you would say to a friend? For example: If you were late for work, you may say to yourself, “What is wrong with you, why can’t you be on time?”  If you were talking to a friend, perhaps you would say, “That’s ok, we are all human and make mistakes.”  It’s a simple shift, but try to talk to yourself as if you were speaking to someone else. 

Exercise 2: Self-Compassion Break 

This is like a pep talk or talking yourself off the ledge. Kristen Neff suggests

1. Acknowledge it hurts, that this is a moment of pain, and that is okay.

2. Accept and be open to validation that you aren’t alone in this suffering.

3. Ask yourself what you need with an affirmation to yourself such as, “May I be gentle with myself.” Then pause.

Exercise 3: Writing

Get a journal! There is a great deal of research and science-backed data on the benefits of journaling. You can journal when you find you are hard on yourself and need to reframe your self-talk with self-compassion. You may find that you start with negative journaling, but then work to reframe your writing with forgiveness and loving kindness towards yourself. 

Exercise 4: Touch 

Touch has the powerful impact of soothing us. You can activate this by co-regulating with your pet, getting a massage, or hugging a loved one. An exercise in intentional touch activates your parasympathetic nervous system, which helps you regulate anxiety and return to safety in the present moment. And when we feel grounded in the moment, we are more likely to be nice to ourselves. What form of touch calms you?

Exercise 5: Reframe Your Critical Voice

Start by slowing down and being more aware of your internal self-critic. With more mindfulness and practice, this will become a habit. When you catch yourself saying something harsh to yourself, talk to yourself like a best friend and reframe it. For example, you can say, “There you go being hard on yourself. You don’t need to do that to yourself today. You did the best you could. You are safe and okay.” Less shame and “shoulds”, more your tenderness towards yourself. How can you warm your critical voice?

Exercise 6: Self-Compassion Journal

This exercise is similar to the writing exercise above, but it goes a layer deeper than the catharsis of the previous writing exercise. This self-compassion exercise prompts you to take a painful experience from your day and process using the 3 components of self-compassion:

1. Mindfulness

2. Common humanity

3. Self-kindness

This helps you learn how to see you aren’t alone in your suffering and flexes the self-compassion muscle of emotions and thoughts.

Exercise 7: Problem-Solve

Do you ever feel stuck and go down the shame spiral? If you know what you want, you can perhaps free yourself from the self-induced suffering.

1. Identify where self-criticism is your motivator - your body image, your finances?

2. Is there a kinder way you can motivate yourself? What is the most supportive thing you can say to yourself?

3. When you catch your self-criticism, pause, reframe, and be your own cheerleader.

Exercise 8: Caregiving the Caregivers

The saying goes, put your own oxygen mask on first. It is okay to set boundaries and recharge. You can say no to events and places. As you may help a child recharge, see how a nap and a soft blanket can be nourishing. Offer yourself the same opportunities to care for yourself and get cozy.

Whether you’re implementing self-compassion practices with guidance in individual counseling or on your own, exercises like these can be an important part in helping you live a healthy, fulfilling life with loving kindness towards yourself and others.


Article by Sarah Imparato, MA, LMFT Associate

Austin, TX Individual Counseling


 

Will Recurring Arguments Keep Us From Having a Happy Relationship?

 

If you’re new to this blog series, go check out the previous posts on Why Couples Have the Same Arguments Over and Over Again and 3 Types of Problems Partners Face in Couples Therapy. In those posts, we posed three questions, and this month, we’ll start to address the last of these questions.

Question 3: If we aren’t able to come to an agreement, will this keep us from having a happy relationship?

We will use Scenario B from last month’s post to explore how this couple might approach a perpetual (not gridlocked) problem:

Kate and Danny have been married for six years. They are currently in an argument over Danny’s lack of attention to their yard. When they got married, they discussed that Kate would be in charge of most of the indoor chores and Danny would be responsible for everything outside, including the yard. Kate refers to herself as a ‘recovering perfectionist’, and she takes pride in the tidy home she keeps. When she started dating Danny, she noticed that he was messier than she was, but she decided that if she took over the home and Danny could just keep up the yard, she’d be able to tolerate their differences in how they organize things. Danny feels the yard looks fine, and compared to the other yards in their neighborhood, the time he spends on the yard work is adequate. In his mind, their yard doesn’t look as bad as the other yards in the neighborhood, and he feels Kate is overreacting.

In The Seven Principles of Making Marriage Work, Dr. John Gottman and Nan Silver explain that perpetual problems arise due to fundamental differences in you and your partner’s personalities or lifestyle needs. Kate and Danny’s situation illustrates one common perpetual issue – differences in how each partner views tidiness/messiness. 

The scenario notes that as soon as she and Danny started dating, Kate noticed that Danny was messier than she was. She also is aware that she has perfectionistic tendencies. Kate and Danny are fundamentally different when it comes to how they value neatness – these traits were there when they met, and they are unlikely to change without radical movement on one or both sides.

So, how do they solve this issue? 

Without changes to their personalities or values, a discrete solution isn’t easy to reach. They can, however, manage the issue by holding their differences loosely and inject humor or greater acceptance of their partner, while taking individual responsibility for the part of the dynamic that they control. Taking an active role in what they can control, versus trying to change their partner, can impact the couple’s ability to keep the perpetual problem from turning into a problem that is toxic and harmful to their connection. 

For example:

Kate could make a conscious effort to accept that Danny is inherently messier than she is, she could decrease the amount of harping she does about Danny’s lack of attention to order, or she could playfully joke about how different they are. 

Danny could hire someone to assist with the yard work, he could make more of an effort than he currently is on the yard, or he could also joke about how different they are. 

If Kate and Danny were to make small efforts on their part, they would move towards a more harmonious place where they essentially agree to disagree on how important the yard is. These options do not represent a distinct solution but, rather, a more manageable middle ground - a place where Kate and Danny can maintain their level of happiness within their partnership and not let the argument wound their relationship.

Next month, we’ll finish up this series by examining the scenario when this argument turns to a gridlocked problem – exactly the toxic, harmful version of perpetual problems that all couples want to avoid. 


Article by Lindsay Poth, MA, LMFT Associate