Take Charge of Your Mental Health: A Therapist's Guide to Setting Boundaries

 

Boundaries are the invisible lines we draw around ourselves to define our limits, protect our mental health and our emotional and physical well-being, and maintain a sense of autonomy. Establishing boundaries is an act of self-respect, asserting your needs and values in relationships and situations. Maintaining a sense of balance can be challenging, especially when it comes to establishing and maintaining boundaries. As a therapist, I understand the crucial role that boundaries play in our mental health and emotional well-being. In this first blog post in my boundary blog series, we'll explore how you can implement boundaries in your own life. 

7 Tips for Implementing Boundaries from a Mental Health Therapist

1. Self reflect

One of the first steps when thinking about implementing boundaries is to begin by reflecting on your values, needs, and personal boundaries. What behaviors or situations leave you feeling drained or uncomfortable? Identify areas in your life where boundaries are needed.

2. Clarify your limits

Define your boundaries clearly and specifically. Be honest with yourself about what you're comfortable with and what crosses the line, whether it's time, energy, physical space, or emotional intimacy.

3. Communicate assertively

Practice assertive communication when expressing your boundaries to others. Use "I" statements to assert your needs without blaming or accusing. Be direct yet respectful in your interactions when setting boundaries.

4. Set realistic expectations

Be realistic about what you can and cannot control. Understand that not everyone will respect your boundaries, and that's okay. Focus on asserting your limits and prioritizing your well-being, regardless of others' reactions.

5. Learn to say “no” 

Saying no is a powerful act of self-care and boundary-setting. Practice saying no to requests or obligations that conflict with your boundaries. This might feel a bit uncomfortable at first. However, it is essential when working towards maintaining boundaries and prioritizing your well-being.

6. Seek support 

Surround yourself with supportive individuals who respect and encourage your boundaries. Seek guidance from friends, family, or a therapist who can offer validation, insight, and encouragement as you navigate the boundary-setting process.

7. Practice self-compassion

Be gentle and kind with yourself as you begin to establish and enforce boundaries. It's normal to feel anxious or guilty when you are beginning to set boundaries. However, remember that prioritizing your well-being is not selfish — it's essential for your overall health and happiness.

By recognizing and respecting our own boundaries, we honor ourselves and create space for growth, authenticity, and fulfillment in our lives. Understanding boundaries and how to implement them is the first step towards cultivating healthier, more balanced relationships with ourselves and others. So, take a moment to reflect on your own boundaries, and remember, it's okay to set limits that prioritize your mental health and well-being.

Starting therapy is a great way to prioritize your well-being. If you’d like some help working through and implementing your own boundaries, reach out for a free phone consultation to see if we’re a good fit for working together!

 

What is Anticipatory Grief? A Counselor Weighs in on How to Cope

 

Anticipatory grief is a complex and often misunderstood emotional experience that occurs when someone anticipates an impending loss of someone or something – this can be anything from the death of a loved one to children transitioning out of the family home to a relationship ending. Unlike conventional grief, which comes after the actual loss, anticipatory grief allows you to begin the grieving process before the actual loss occurs.

During this time, individuals may experience a range of conflicting emotions. Anticipatory grief can range from sadness and anxiety to guilt and anger and even relief. You may feel guilty for experiencing moments of relief or anger toward the situation. You may grieve not only the impending loss but also the future you had envisioned before transitioning through the loss. This wide range of emotional states can feel emotionally overwhelming, leaving you in a constant state of emotional flux.

A unique challenge of anticipatory grief is that this process can be prolonged in nature, feeling like an extended state of limbo, waiting for the inevitable loss to occur. Therefore, taking care of yourself is crucial to navigating this waiting period. Self-care takes on added significance during this time, so prioritizing both your physical and emotional health can help you maintain an overall sense of well-being, alongside processing the loss. Engaging in activities that bring you joy and peace can provide a much-needed respite from the heavy emotions you are feeling. Rest, nutrition, exercise, and stress-reducing practices like meditation or journaling can help maintain a sense of balance.

Seeking support is crucial when experiencing anticipatory grief, so connecting with friends, family, or a support group can provide understanding and empathy during this challenging time. If you feel you need additional support, grief counseling can offer a safe space to process emotions, explore coping mechanisms, and find solace.

Acceptance and surrender are also vital aspects of navigating anticipatory grief, so recognizing this is a natural response to an impending loss allows you to validate your emotions without self-judgment. Practicing self-compassion and allowing yourself to feel all the emotions that arise can help to facilitate healing and growth in the midst of the challenging transition.

Anticipatory grief is a complex emotional journey that individuals face when they expect a loss to occur. Realizing that this type of grief can be experienced in a wide array of circumstances allows you to process your loss and the associated emotions in a healthy, beneficial way. 

Article by Lindsay Poth, MA, LMFT Associate

Offering Individual Counseling for Women, Individual Counseling for Men, & Couples Counseling in Austin, TX

 

The Impact of Life Transitions

 

If you compare your life today to your life 10 years ago, 5 years ago, 1 year ago, or even 1 month ago, what has remained the same, and what has changed? 

Of the aspects of your life that have changed, were the changes immediate or did they transition from one state to another over a longer period of time? 

When you consider each change that you have noted in response to the prompts above, you probably remember how easy or difficult those experiences were for you. Change can feel empowering, awkward, joyful, painful, exhilarating, sad, exciting, frustrating – all types of feelings, sometimes all at once. Big changes can take many forms, they can unfold in different timeframes, they can move you into new phases in life, and they can also leave you feeling disoriented as you adjust and settle into your new norm.

Common types of life transitions are:

  • those you have planned and are currently taking action on - examples of these may include moving houses, changing jobs, or getting married.

  • those you anticipate but have not yet taken action on – examples of these can be similar to those previously discussed – moves, job changes, relationship status changes – and they can also include events on your long-term horizon like building your dream home, retiring, or becoming a grandparent.

  • those that you do not expect – examples of these may include losing your job, getting a divorce, or a loved one passing away.

Regardless of the type of change you are experiencing, moving from one way of being to another can stir up a complex set of emotions. Different types of transitions can impact different people in different ways, and this can then cause a set of seemingly contradictory feelings. For example, consider your child growing up and moving to college. This change can incite a sense of hope for what is yet to come for your child’s future, but this event can also carry distressing emotions such as sadness and grief. These emotions can arise either during their moving out or after they leave home – you realize that aspects of the old life you knew are no longer part of the life you are now living. By acknowledging that all types of change can be challenging, you make room for your entire emotional experience.

Whether you are male, female, or non-binary, old, young, or somewhere in between, married, single, divorced, or if it’s complicated, change in life is inevitable and can sometimes feel hard to manage on your own. Engaging with a therapist and initiating therapy, either with your partner in couples therapy or on your own in individual therapy, can help you manage and process the entire range of emotions you experience during transitions.

Article by Lindsay Poth, MA, LMFT Associate

Offering Individual Therapy for Women in Life Transitions, Individual Therapy for Men, & Couples Therapy in Austin, TX