Defensiveness: Stop Blaming Your Partner & Start Taking Responsibility

 

Defensiveness

The first entry in our blog series, Four Behaviors in a Marriage that Predict Divorce: Gottman’s Four Horsemen, detailed The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse, a concept noted in Dr. Gottman and Nan Silver's The Seven Principles of Making Marriage Work – these include criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling. To gain a better understanding of these detrimental relational dynamics, this post will concentrate on defensiveness – a common issue that comes up in couples counseling.

What is defensiveness?

Defensiveness is a natural response when one feels attacked or criticized. This becomes problematic when this reaction becomes a default mode of communication. Instead of accepting responsibility and trying to understand the other person’s perspective, there is usually a counterattack or deflection of blame.

Scenario showing defensiveness

For the last several weeks, June and Marty had been trying to navigate a perpetual issue in their marriage, and they both had noticed that the other had become very defensive when the topic came up.

Most days, after a meal, June would notice that Marty would leave his dirty dishes in the sink. One day she said, “I've asked you so many times to wash your dishes after you eat. It's like you never listen to me or care about my feelings. I just don’t get it."

Marty, feeling attacked, responded with, "Well, I'm not the only one who leaves dishes lying around. You do it too. I'm not the only one with the issue here."

June felt unheard and really didn’t like that Marty was throwing the responsibility back on her, so she said, "Yes, I may occasionally leave a dish in the sink, but that's not the point. I'm talking about your habit of doing it all the time, every day. You’re avoiding the issue."

Marty continued to try to justify his behavior by saying, "Well, you're making it sound like I'm a slob or something. I don't see what the big deal is."

The conversation had quickly devolved into a back-and-forth exchange where they weren’t resolving the issue and each of them was becoming more frustrated and defensive.

What is the antidote to defensiveness?

Gottman's remedy for defensiveness involves taking responsibility for your part in the conflict, trying to listen to your partner's perspective, and acknowledging their feelings. If you respond like this, you can shift the conversation from a negative communication loop into a more constructive dialogue, increasing the chances of resolution.

How could this interaction have gone differently?

To address the situation more constructively, Marty could have responded differently, acknowledging June's concerns and taking responsibility for his actions. In response, June could have then expressed appreciation for Marty's willingness to acknowledge her concern and suggested they work together to find a solution to the problem.

The remedy for defensiveness in a marriage sounds simple, but it’s not so easy to actually put into practice. Couples counseling can help. A couples counselor can spot defensiveness, make you aware of the cycle you’re caught in, and help you move toward greater acceptance of responsibility and understanding in your relationship. Contact us to be matched with a couples counselor who uses the Gottman Method to get started!

Article by Lindsay Poth, MA, LMFT Associate

Offering Austin Couples Counseling + Gottman Method Couples Counseling

 

Contempt: 1 Simple Practice to Stop It From Ruining Your Relationship

 

Contempt

In our initial blog post, we introduced The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse, as outlined in Dr. Gottman and Nan Silver's book, The Seven Principles of Making Marriage Work – criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling. To delve deeper into these harmful relationship patterns, this post will examine contempt.

What is contempt?

Contempt involves an attitude of superiority and disrespect towards the partner, often manifesting through sarcasm, mockery, or name-calling. Expressions of contempt might include eye-rolling, using demeaning language, or belittling the partner's opinions or interests. Contempt conveys a lack of regard for the other person's feelings and erodes the foundation of trust and intimacy.

Scenario showing contempt in a relationship

Will and Brett’s relationship had become strained due to their ongoing, stressful conflicts. In the last few months, their disagreements had started to include some contemptuous communication, and both of them were becoming more unhappy in their relationship. Their latest fight was over their upcoming summer vacation plans – which should have been a positive discussion to have. 

Brett expressed his desire to go to the beach since they had gone on several consecutive hiking vacations in the mountains over the last couple years. When Will said he wanted to go back to the mountains, Brett replied, “That’s not happening. We just did that last year. You aren’t ever able to slow down and relax…or agree to do what I want to do. I really don’t understand why we always have to go, go, go, on vacation all the time.”

Will, feeling dismissed, replied, “You're just being lazy as usual {and rolled his eyes}. It's pathetic how you don’t want to get out and appreciate nature. You only want to do nothing and lounge in the sun."

In this scenario, contempt was evident in Will's response. He not only disagreed with Brett's preference but also insulted him by implying that Brett was lazy and incapable of appreciating the outdoors.

What is the antidote to contempt? A simple practice to stop contempt in its tracks

To combat contempt, Gottman recommends building a culture of appreciation and respect in the relationship. Couples should actively nurture fondness and admiration for each other. Instead of contemptuous behavior, express appreciation and gratitude, regularly. Replace sarcastic remarks with kind and affirming words to help restore mutual respect and emotional closeness.

How could this interaction have gone differently?

In response, Brett could have acknowledged Will's feelings and attempted to find a middle ground for their vacation plans. This alternative approach would have strengthened their ability to have healthier communication and allowed them to work together to resolve their differences.

Do you recognize contempt showing up in your relationship? Relationship counseling can help. Contact us for a free phone consultation and start the process of repairing your relationship.

Article by Lindsay Poth, MA, LMFT Associate

Offering Austin Relationship Counseling + Gottman Couples Counseling

 

Criticism: The Destructive Behavior to Stop Doing in Your Marriage or Relationship

 

Criticism

In the first post in this blog series on destructive communication patterns in your marriage, we defined The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse, as described in the book The Seven Principles of Making Marriage Work, by Dr. Gottman and Nan Silver – criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling. To understand more about each of these dysfunctional relational cycles, this second post will focus on criticism, a communication pattern that often presents itself during marriage counseling.

What is criticism?

Criticism represents a destructive communication style where one partner attacks the other's character or personality, rather than addressing a specific behavior or situation. Instead of addressing the specific behavior, one partner generalizes the other’s faults or blames the other partner.

Scenario showing criticism in a marriage

Susie and Bill were high school sweethearts and married after college. Given the length of their relationship, they have certainly had their fair share of arguments. However, lately, their disagreements have started to turn critical.

Recently, Susie expressed her frustration with Bill, after he’d forgotten their anniversary a few days earlier. When Bill walked into the kitchen to grab a snack, Susie said, “Bill, I can't believe you forgot our anniversary again. It's like you don't care about our relationship or the things that are important to me.” Hearing this, Bill immediately replied, “Oh, come on, Susie.  It's just a date on the calendar. You're always making a big deal out of nothing. You're too sensitive, and you expect me to remember every little thing.”

In this short interaction, you can see clearly that Susie's part of the conversation turned critical when she accused Bill of not caring about their relationship. In doing this, she made a global statement about his character, implying he was neglecting their bond and being inconsiderate.

The Antidote to Criticism: How to stop criticism from destroying your marriage

Dr. Gottman suggests that couples combat criticism by practicing what he calls a "softened start-up." This technique involves approaching your partner by sharing your feelings and then relating these feelings to a specific concern in a gentle and non-accusatory way.

How could this interaction have gone differently?

Instead of making general statements about Bill's character, Susie could have said, "Bill, I really felt hurt and disappointed when you forgot our anniversary the other day. I always think about our anniversary as a day to celebrate us as a couple, and that day is important to me. It would mean a lot to me if you would remember that day as a special day for us." This approach focuses on Susie’s feelings and the specific behavior of Bill’s, rather than attacking him or globalizing his behavior.

Need a little help overcoming criticism in your relationship? Marriage counseling can help. Contact us for a free phone consultation and get your marriage back on track.

Article by Lindsay Poth, MA, LMFT Associate

Offering Austin Marriage Counseling, Individual Counseling for Women, & Individual Counseling for Men

 

Four Behaviors in a Marriage that Predict Divorce: Gottman’s Four Horsemen

 

In the book The Seven Principles of Making Marriage Work, by Dr. John Gottman and Nan Silver, the authors discuss Dr. Gottman’s "Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse". The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse are communication patterns that, if present, can indicate significant relational distress and can even be a strong indicator to predict a breakup or divorce. If any of these patterns show up during interactions with your partner, pay attention and take action. Learn to identify, understand, and fix these dynamics so that you can improve your relationship or marriage (and even save it!).

What are The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse?

  1. Criticism

    Criticism represents a destructive communication style where one partner attacks the other's character or personality, rather than addressing a specific behavior or situation. Instead of addressing the specific behavior, one partner generalizes the other’s faults or blames the other partner.

  2. Contempt

    Contempt shows up when one partner expresses an attitude of superiority and disrespect towards the other partner, which is often seen through sarcasm or name-calling. This can include physical eye-rolling or making comments that belittle the other partner's opinions. 

  3. Defensiveness

    Defensiveness is expressed when one partner neglects to accept responsibility and fails to try to understand their partner's perspective. Usually, defensive individuals tend to immediately counterattack or deflect blame.

  4. Stonewalling

    Stonewalling occurs when one partner refuses to engage with the other or emotionally shuts down due to feeling generally overwhelmed or flooded with specific emotions. This response can include acts such as avoiding eye contact or physically leaving the room.

Sometimes, it’s hard to acknowledge that you and your partner are struggling to communicate effectively. Learning about Dr. Gottman’s concepts (such as the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse) can be helpful when you are feeling stuck and wondering how to improve interactions with your partner. By recognizing and addressing these destructive communication patterns, you can start to improve some of your negative communication habits. If efforts are not made to improve or change these patterns, your relationship or marriage may continue to suffer and, in time, become less and less beneficial to you or your partner. 

So how can you identify these issues and make changes? In the next four parts of this blog series, we’ll look at each of these patterns, examine specific scenarios to illustrate each concept, and discuss how to improve or change each type of dysfunctional cycle.

Article by Lindsay Poth, MA, LMFT Associate

Offering Marriage Counseling in Austin, Individual Counseling for Women, & Individual Counseling for Men

 

4 ​​Keys to an Effective Apology from a Marriage Counselor

 

We’ve all been there. We’ve done something to hurt, offend, or anger someone we love. It’s awkward. There’s tension and maybe even some regret. The clear next step is to break the ice and acknowledge what happened.

As a marriage counselor, I see many people who don’t know where to start. Apologizing is a lost art, and it’s hard to know how to apologize to repair effectively.

In marriage counseling, there tend to be two types of people when it comes to apologizing. The first type is those who rush in, apologize, and take the blame, so to speak, just to move on and keep the peace. Smoothing it over might look good on the surface, as it keeps things moving, but if the apology feels empty or is not genuine, you're in no better place than where you started. Then there's the person who struggles to admit wrongdoing or admit they did something that negatively impacted someone they care about. So, the first part of the process is to own your thoughts and emotions. Are you in a place to genuinely apologize? Or do you need to regulate your own feelings more?

Once you find yourself in a clear headspace, consider these four components that should be included in your apology and the DOs and DON’Ts of each. 

Guidelines for an Effective Apology

  1. Be specific.

    • It’s important to be very specific about what you are apologizing for. Refrain from apologizing for how the other person perceives you or how the other person feels; it always misses the mark. 

      • DO: “I’m sorry I ignored you when I came home after work last night.”

      • DON’T: “I’m sorry you feel angry that I ignored you.” 

  2. Admit you were wrong.

    • This is the hardest part of an apology! For an apology to be genuine, you want to admit wrongdoing. Even if your intentions were good (most of the time, they are!), that isn’t what’s important here. Let them know that you see that what you did had a negative impact.

      • DO: “It wasn’t right for me to treat you that way.”

      • DON’T: “ I didn’t mean for it to come off that way” - or - “It wasn’t my intention to treat you that way.”

  3. Show that you understand their perspective.

    • Again, be specific. Put yourself in their shoes, let them know you understand how your actions impacted them, and go a step further to imagine how they must have felt emotionally. Then, reflect that to them.

      • DO: “I imagine you must have felt unimportant to me at that moment.”

      • DON’T: “You’re being sensitive, so you took it the wrong way.”

  4. Ask for forgiveness.

    • Apologizing is a vulnerable task. You’re putting yourself out there to admit you were wrong and ultimately asking for repair. Once you’ve covered the first three steps, ask for forgiveness. Understand that the receiver may need more time before they wipe the slate clean. 

      • DO: “ Are you willing to forgive me?”

      • DON’T: “Hope you feel better now that I apologized so we can move on.”

An effective apology is just one skill that can help you have a healthier communication pattern in your marriage. If you’re struggling, marriage counseling can help. Reach out to one of our marriage counselors to schedule a free consult call.

Article by Cat van der Westhuizen, LPC, LMFT

Offering Austin Marriage Counseling, Couples Therapy, and Individual Counseling

 

The Negative Impact of Loneliness | Why Social Connection Matters

 

The US Surgeon General, Dr. Vivek H. Murthy, is a champion for relationships and combatting the negative effects of loneliness and even goes so far as to say that loneliness is an epidemic in America. He states that as many as 1 in 2 adults feel this way. Personally, I have heard friends say things like, “I am in a happy marriage, but during the lockdown, I lost my gym. I don’t feel like I have a sense of community anymore.” - or - “All my friends are married with kids, so I have no one to travel with.” Couples therapist Ester Perel states, “We work from home, we get our groceries delivered, and we date from our couch.” In this blog, we will identify what loneliness is, why community matters, and how to find a sense of belonging.

Murthy defines loneliness as “a subjective distressing experience that results from perceived isolation or inadequate meaningful connections, where inadequate refers to the discrepancy or unmet need between an individual’s preferred and actual experience.” The feeling of loneliness can evoke a sense of unworthiness, lack of purpose, and isolation. Loneliness can have profound impacts on both mental and physical health. 

When you think about addressing loneliness, Murthy suggests looking at social connection. Social connection impacts our biology, behavior, and psychology, which impacts our health. Research has shown that loneliness can lead to heart disease, self-harm, and cognitive functioning issues like dementia, diabetes, hypertension, depression, and anxiety. Murthy also notes data stating that a lack of connection is equivalent to smoking up to 15 cigarettes a day! In fact, there is a 26% chance of earlier death due to loneliness. These are just some of the physical and mental health risk factors of loneliness that social connection can help combat.

In a previous blog, I shared how the quality of the relationship is a direct indicator of quality of life. Social connection actually increases an individual’s chance of survival by 50%. When you feel less lonely, your nervous system is more regulated, and you have an increased sense of belonging and worthiness.

Take a moment to think about the impact of loneliness or connectedness in your life:

  • How do you feel around loved ones? Do you feel connected, or do you feel distant?

  • How are you sleeping and eating? Though many factors can influence these areas, if you feel a lack of connection, it’s likely that your physical health is impacted as well.

  • What is your motivation to pursue your goals? Loneliness can affect our ability to act on our goals, whereas connectedness can help support motivation and persistence.

It’s worth taking some time to inventory things that deplete you of connection and things that nourish your relationships. Things that deplete us of connection and can enhance feelings of loneliness include social media, texting instead of calling friends, only working from home, using apps for services, not being present in the moment, or lacking gratitude. Things that nourish our social connections include saying hi to the bank teller, running errands, calling a friend, joining a community, engaging in hobbies, volunteering, or working from a coffee shop.

Are you experiencing loneliness? Therapy can help. Reach out to us to speak with a therapist if you’re interested in therapy to improve the quality of your relationships.

 

Secure Attachment Style in Relationships

 

Relationship Scenario: You call your partner, and they don’t answer. 

Someone with an anxious attachment style might say: “Did I do something wrong? When will they call me back?”

Someone with an avoidant attachment style says: ”If they’re rejecting my call, I will ignore them when they call back.”

Someone with a secure attachment style might say: “Hmm, they must be busy. I will get back to work and look forward to hearing from them.” - or - “I will just text them - Call me when you’re free. It is not an emergency. I just have a question about dinner.”

Secure Attachment Style

Secure attachment is the healthiest attachment style. It is grounded, mature, and wise. Those with secure attachment have a healthy sense of self-worth, acceptance, and vulnerability. Those with secure attachment manage emotions and communication in the clearest way, leaving less of a push-pull in their relationships. 

In my previous two posts on attachment styles, we explored anxious attachment and avoidant attachment styles. In this blog post, we will touch on what it means to have a secure attachment style, as well as how a secure attachment style is developed as a child and then shows up as an adult.

Attachment styles are four behavioral archetypes based on attachment theory and research. Research suggests that secure attachment style is the most common type of attachment style in our society. Around 66% of the nation’s population is estimated to have a secure attachment style.

How does Secure Attachment Style Develop?

A child’s experience of responsiveness and attunement from caregivers impacts how they experience the world and relationships later in life. As children, those with a secure attachment style likely had their caregiver attend to them when they had physical cues such as crying. As a baby, they trusted their caregiver would be there for them. Trust is the anchor of secure attachment style. These individuals also had a stronger ability to self-soothe, as well as the ability not to let emotions drive their behavior.

Children develop secure attachment by having their needs met, feeling supported, having a sense of belonging, and feeling safe, trusted, seen, and heard while also being able to be on their own and test the world, knowing they can return safely. An example of a child with secure attachment would be - a child having their parent within view while still having autonomy and playing independently.

Secure Attachment in Adult Relationships

In adulthood, a secure attachment style is typically characterized as feeling comfortable in intimate relationships, balancing thinking emotionally and logically with a sense that, no matter what, you’ll be okay. People with a secure attachment style are generally able to communicate their needs and feelings effectively. It is the ability to self-soothe and regulate the nervous system, plus knowing, liking, and trusting all parts of yourself.

An adult with secure attachment:

  1. Knows how to regulate their emotions and understands their feelings 

  2. Has autonomy and the ability to navigate the world independently 

  3. Is open, connected, and trusting of others

  4. Is clear on who they are and what their purpose is

  5. Can communicate clearly 

  6. Strives to live a meaningful life

  7. Can ask for support from others and also lend support to others

  8. Is balanced with togetherness and separateness

  9. Is comfortable alone

  10. Is able to be reflective and observant of how they participate and contribute to the relationship

The good news is you can change your attachment style. Even if you didn’t have all these things growing up, you can work on shifting your attachment style and becoming securely attached in your adult relationships.

How to move from anxious or avoidant attachment styles to secure attachment style: 

  1. Learn to self soothe 

  2. Learn to regulate emotions and your nervous system

  3. Express primary vulnerable emotions

  4. Go to individual therapy 

  5. Take time to be self-compassionate and mindful

  6. Be around those that feel safe in a relationship and feel capable and comfortable being transparent

  7. Attend relationship therapy or couples therapy with your partner to practice healthy communication

  8. Set healthy boundaries

Developing a secure attachment style can lead to even more fulfilling and satisfying relationships, along with greater emotional well-being. So don't hesitate to work towards this goal - your future self will thank you! If you would like to work on developing a secure attachment style in your relationships, reach out to us to book an individual therapy, relationship therapy, or couples therapy session. 

 

What’s the Difference Between Couples Therapy and Individual Therapy

 

Couples therapy and individual therapy are types of therapy that cater to different needs and challenges. While both focus on improving mental health and well-being, they are designed for different contexts and address unique issues. In this blog post, we will explore the key differences between couples therapy and individual therapy and why they can assist in strengthening relationships and fostering personal growth.

One of the differences between couples therapy and individual therapy is the focus of therapy. In couple’s therapy, the therapist’s client is the relationship, not either of the individual partners, and the therapist helps the couple explore their dynamics, communication styles, and patterns of interaction between partners. Couples therapy may focus on discussions around intimacy, trust, and shared goals. On the other hand, individual therapy focuses on the needs and concerns of an individual. The therapist’s client is the individual themselves, and the therapist works one-on-one with the client to explore their thoughts, feelings, and behaviors in a safe and confidential environment. Individual therapy typically focuses on personal growth, self-awareness, and self-improvement and can include work to manage or improve a client’s anxiety, depression, trauma, self-esteem, and coping skills.

Another difference between couples therapy and individual therapy is the therapeutic relationship. In couples therapy, the therapist serves as an advocate for the goals set for the relationship, facilitating communication between partners, helping them understand each other's perspective, and guiding them towards resolving conflicts. The therapist aims to create a safe space where both partners can express themselves openly and work towards mutual understanding and resolution. In contrast, individual therapy works within the dyadic client-therapist relationship, and the therapist acts as a supportive and non-judgmental ally who helps the client gain insight into their own thoughts, feelings, and behaviors while developing coping strategies to manage challenges.

The goals of couples therapy and individual therapy can also differ. In couples therapy, the primary goal is to improve relationship dynamics, and the therapist can help the couple develop effective communication skills, rebuild trust, and foster emotional intimacy. The focus is on the relationship itself, and both partners are encouraged to take responsibility for their role in the couple’s presenting issues and work towards solutions together. In individual therapy, the focus of sessions is tailored to the individual's specific needs and concerns as they pertain to fostering personal growth and improving well-being. This may include exploring and understanding one's emotions, thoughts, and behaviors, as well as developing coping skills, improving self-esteem, managing stress, and resolving past traumas.

While both couples therapy and individual therapy are valuable forms of therapy, they differ in their focus, approach, and goals. Understanding how these types of therapy differ can help you choose the best approach for you and/or your partner.

At Austin Relational Wellness, our therapists offer both couples therapy and individual therapy. Reach out to us to learn more!

Article by Lindsay Poth, MA, LMFT Associate

Offering Individual Therapy for Women in Life Transitions, Individual Therapy for Men, Couples Therapy, & Couples Therapy in Austin, TX

 

Benefits of Premarital Counseling

 

Premarital counseling can be beneficial for the health of both partners and your relationship, even if you’re looking forward to your wedding and don’t feel like you have any pressing relational issues. This type of counseling provides a safe and supportive space for couples to explore specific aspects of their relationship. Pre-marital therapy can help improve communication skills, preemptively identify future challenges, build a stronger relational bond between partners, discuss sensitive topics, and plan for the future.

Improve communication skills

Effective communication is crucial to a healthy relationship and can positively impact a couple’s relational and mental health. Through counseling, couples can learn how to express their thoughts and feelings in a way that is clear, respectful, and non-confrontational. They can also learn active listening skills that promote emotional intimacy and reduce the risk of misunderstandings that can negatively affect their relationship.

Identify future disputes

Premarital counseling can help to identify and address potential, longer-term challenges, before they become significant issues. This can be done by assisting partners to identify potential triggers or future misalignments and develop coping strategies that minimize the impact of these conflicts on the health of their marriage.

Develop skills to navigate conflict

All couples will experience some type of conflict. Counseling can help to identify the couple’s patterns while in conflict and introduce new skills and strategies to improve their argumentative styles. Improvements in how a couple argues can result in shorter times in discourse and greater understanding of their partner’s unique perspective.

Build stronger relational bonds

Counseling can help partners develop a deeper understanding of each other's needs, increase emotional connection, and build a deeper sense of trust – all important components of a healthy marriage. By strengthening these parts of their relationship, a couple can protect their relationship from feelings of loneliness when life becomes stressful.

Discuss sensitive topics

Premarital counseling provides a safe space to discuss sensitive topics, such as intimacy, family planning, finances, religion, past trauma, or mental health struggles. Couples can explore these issues and work through these areas in a non-judgmental and supportive environment. This work can lead to increased emotional intelligence, self-awareness, and empathy for themselves and each other.

Plan for the future

Counseling can help couples set realistic expectations for their future together. This is especially important since having unspoken, unrealistic expectations for their marriage can lead to disappointment, frustration, and stress. Engaging in therapy can help partners develop strategies to competently navigate challenges that may arise as their marriage commences and matures.

If you and your partner are interested in benefiting from premarital counseling, reach out to any of our therapists for support in your journey to the altar. 

Article by Lindsay Poth, MA, LMFT Associate

Offering Individual Therapy for Women in Life Transitions, Individual Therapy for Men, Couples Therapy, & Marriage Counseling in Austin, TX

 

How to Support Someone with Anxiety

 

To conclude this series on panic attacks and anxiety, this post will focus on how to support someone who experiences anxiety. Check out my previous posts to read the full series - Panic Attacks vs. Anxiety | How to Know the Difference + How To Support Someone During a Panic Attack.

Similar to panic attacks, unless you have had a discussion with your loved one about how they want to be cared for during their anxious moments, you can feel unsure about how to provide support for them. Here, we list some strategies you can immediately employ with them or use to begin a dialog about what may resonate best with them to manage their anxiety. By learning more about some of these general tactics, you can help create a stable, understanding environment for anyone who struggles with anxiety.

Here are some suggestions for how to care for someone who is experiencing anxiety:

  • When someone shares that they are feeling anxious, listen and validate their feelings. Anxious thoughts can feel overwhelming so try to avoid minimizing their anxiety, dismissing their experience, or telling them to “just relax”. Instead, show empathy and acknowledge the challenges they are facing.

  • Encourage the person to identify triggers that may have led to the onset of their anxious feelings and help them to employ coping strategies such as deep breathing, progressive muscle relaxation, or practicing mindfulness. Ask them if they have any unique, specific tactics that have worked for them in the past and then help them to implement them.

  • Anxiety can make everyday duties more difficult, so offer practical, logistical support by helping with tasks such as grocery shopping, running errands, or basic housekeeping. Assisting with some of these common, daily tasks can help alleviate some of the general stress your loved one may be feeling at the same time as the anxiety is present.

  • Supporting someone who is experiencing anxiety can be emotionally and mentally draining so also remember the importance of taking care of yourself. This may involve seeking support from friends, family, or a mental health professional of your own.

  • If your loved one’s anxiety is severe or interfering with their daily life, encourage them to seek help from a mental health professional. A therapist or other mental health provider can help them understand the root cause of their anxiety and develop additional strategies for managing it.

With patience and understanding, you can help your loved one feel supported and cared for as they experience and manage their anxiety. Remember that seeking help and finding coping strategies are important steps in managing anxiety and improving overall well-being.