Take Charge of Your Mental Health: A Therapist's Guide to Setting Boundaries

 

Boundaries are the invisible lines we draw around ourselves to define our limits, protect our mental health and our emotional and physical well-being, and maintain a sense of autonomy. Establishing boundaries is an act of self-respect, asserting your needs and values in relationships and situations. Maintaining a sense of balance can be challenging, especially when it comes to establishing and maintaining boundaries. As a therapist, I understand the crucial role that boundaries play in our mental health and emotional well-being. In this first blog post in my boundary blog series, we'll explore how you can implement boundaries in your own life. 

7 Tips for Implementing Boundaries from a Mental Health Therapist

1. Self reflect

One of the first steps when thinking about implementing boundaries is to begin by reflecting on your values, needs, and personal boundaries. What behaviors or situations leave you feeling drained or uncomfortable? Identify areas in your life where boundaries are needed.

2. Clarify your limits

Define your boundaries clearly and specifically. Be honest with yourself about what you're comfortable with and what crosses the line, whether it's time, energy, physical space, or emotional intimacy.

3. Communicate assertively

Practice assertive communication when expressing your boundaries to others. Use "I" statements to assert your needs without blaming or accusing. Be direct yet respectful in your interactions when setting boundaries.

4. Set realistic expectations

Be realistic about what you can and cannot control. Understand that not everyone will respect your boundaries, and that's okay. Focus on asserting your limits and prioritizing your well-being, regardless of others' reactions.

5. Learn to say “no” 

Saying no is a powerful act of self-care and boundary-setting. Practice saying no to requests or obligations that conflict with your boundaries. This might feel a bit uncomfortable at first. However, it is essential when working towards maintaining boundaries and prioritizing your well-being.

6. Seek support 

Surround yourself with supportive individuals who respect and encourage your boundaries. Seek guidance from friends, family, or a therapist who can offer validation, insight, and encouragement as you navigate the boundary-setting process.

7. Practice self-compassion

Be gentle and kind with yourself as you begin to establish and enforce boundaries. It's normal to feel anxious or guilty when you are beginning to set boundaries. However, remember that prioritizing your well-being is not selfish — it's essential for your overall health and happiness.

By recognizing and respecting our own boundaries, we honor ourselves and create space for growth, authenticity, and fulfillment in our lives. Understanding boundaries and how to implement them is the first step towards cultivating healthier, more balanced relationships with ourselves and others. So, take a moment to reflect on your own boundaries, and remember, it's okay to set limits that prioritize your mental health and well-being.

Starting therapy is a great way to prioritize your well-being. If you’d like some help working through and implementing your own boundaries, reach out for a free phone consultation to see if we’re a good fit for working together!

 

The Impact of Life Transitions

 

If you compare your life today to your life 10 years ago, 5 years ago, 1 year ago, or even 1 month ago, what has remained the same, and what has changed? 

Of the aspects of your life that have changed, were the changes immediate or did they transition from one state to another over a longer period of time? 

When you consider each change that you have noted in response to the prompts above, you probably remember how easy or difficult those experiences were for you. Change can feel empowering, awkward, joyful, painful, exhilarating, sad, exciting, frustrating – all types of feelings, sometimes all at once. Big changes can take many forms, they can unfold in different timeframes, they can move you into new phases in life, and they can also leave you feeling disoriented as you adjust and settle into your new norm.

Common types of life transitions are:

  • those you have planned and are currently taking action on - examples of these may include moving houses, changing jobs, or getting married.

  • those you anticipate but have not yet taken action on – examples of these can be similar to those previously discussed – moves, job changes, relationship status changes – and they can also include events on your long-term horizon like building your dream home, retiring, or becoming a grandparent.

  • those that you do not expect – examples of these may include losing your job, getting a divorce, or a loved one passing away.

Regardless of the type of change you are experiencing, moving from one way of being to another can stir up a complex set of emotions. Different types of transitions can impact different people in different ways, and this can then cause a set of seemingly contradictory feelings. For example, consider your child growing up and moving to college. This change can incite a sense of hope for what is yet to come for your child’s future, but this event can also carry distressing emotions such as sadness and grief. These emotions can arise either during their moving out or after they leave home – you realize that aspects of the old life you knew are no longer part of the life you are now living. By acknowledging that all types of change can be challenging, you make room for your entire emotional experience.

Whether you are male, female, or non-binary, old, young, or somewhere in between, married, single, divorced, or if it’s complicated, change in life is inevitable and can sometimes feel hard to manage on your own. Engaging with a therapist and initiating therapy, either with your partner in couples therapy or on your own in individual therapy, can help you manage and process the entire range of emotions you experience during transitions.

Article by Lindsay Poth, MA, LMFT Associate

Offering Individual Therapy for Women in Life Transitions, Individual Therapy for Men, & Couples Therapy in Austin, TX

 

Finding Rituals and Routine to Feel Grounded During Transition

 

In the summer of 2020, I found myself feeling totally untethered. We were two months into the COVID-19 pandemic, the world was unrecognizable, and my entire counseling and therapy practice had moved online.

Pre-COVID, my day-to-day as a counselor was commuting to South Austin, grabbing lunch on the go, and meeting up with friends and family between engagements. So summer 2020, I found myself stuck in the lull of being at my house 24/7. An Enneagram 7’s nightmare.

This transition was rough. I spent my days alone at home and noticed myself feeling aimless, uncertain, and anxious. There was no end to this work from home in sight, so I needed to find something to ground me.

I knew from my work with my counseling clients that having a routine can help with both anxiety and depression. When we’re going through a major transition, routines and rituals can be extremely helpful. I also know that creating a routine when you are depressed can be challenging… so I implemented a few things.

My Daily Routine to Support Mental Health & Counter Depression

Wake Up

I started getting up at the same time each day, even if my meetings started a little later that day. Even if I just woke up and went and sat on the couch. I got out of bed and started my day.

Get Ready

I fixed my hair and makeup and put on real clothes, down to my shoes. Even If I didn’t plan to leave the house or have a client-facing counseling session, there was something grounding in me taking care of myself in this way. It’s not for everyone, but for me, when I look and feel put together, I feel my best. No one could see my shoes, but I felt better.

Make Your Bed

I made my bed. You hear this all the time, if you do one thing… make your bed! Even if your day ends up terrible, you still accomplished this, and you get into a nicely made bed that evening. 

Feel the Earth

I got outside for a few minutes each morning. Felt my feet on the earth, let the sun shine on my face, observed the birds, sat with my dog. There are countless benefits of vitamin D and grounding in the earth. We need to get out of our house! One of the first things I ask my clients when they report being overwhelmed or depressed is… “Have you been outside today?”

Transition out of Work Mode

Lastly, I changed my clothes after work to signal the transition to non-work mode. I no longer had the time during my typical commute to process my day, so this ritual helped me feel done with my day and able to leave all the energy behind.

The Importance of Ritual in Transition

All of these things I implemented became a daily ritual for me that helped me feel grounded and present for whatever the day brought me. It’s been over two years since I developed these rituals to help me cope with such a challenging transition period. They have become second nature to me and continue to help me feel grounded on a daily basis.

As I find myself in the last weeks of my pregnancy, preparing for what will most likely be the biggest transition I’ve experienced thus far, I intend to not only keep these in practice, but also implement new ideas to stay grounded and present during the next few weeks.

I’ll be working on some technology boundaries so I don’t end up in mindless scrolling or overstimulation from internet parenting advice. This might look like staying off my phone for a few hours in the morning, deleting Instagram for the first month, or sitting with my own intuition for 10 minutes before Googling something. I’ll also focus on routines that help me maintain a peaceful environment with minimal effort. I’ve already prepared by getting rid of a ton of extra stuff in my home that required management to make room for the new!

What daily rituals or routines help you feel grounded during transitions?

Article by Cat van der Westhuizen, MA, LPC, LMFT