5 Therapist-Approved Tips for Building Self-Compassion

 

As a licensed therapist, I often sit across from clients who speak to themselves in ways they would never dream of speaking to someone they love. They beat themselves up for making mistakes, hold themselves to impossible standards, and struggle to offer themselves grace during difficult moments.

If this sounds familiar, you’re not alone.

You may simply need help learning a skill many of us were never taught: self-compassion. 

Self-compassion isn’t self-pity, and it’s certainly not about letting yourself off the hook or pretending everything is fine. Instead, it’s about treating yourself with the same care, understanding, and kindness you would offer a close friend in a moment of struggle. And like any skill, it can be practiced and strengthened over time. 

Here are a few therapist-approved tips to help you build more self-compassion into your life—especially if you tend to be hard on yourself.

1. Notice Your Inner Critic 

The first step is awareness. Start by paying attention to how you talk to yourself—especially when things go wrong. Do you call yourself names? Do you immediately blame yourself or assume you should’ve done better? 

Try gently observing these thoughts instead of reacting to them. You might say, “Oh, I’m being really hard on myself right now,” or “That’s my inner critic showing up again.” Naming it helps create a little space between you and the harsh voice in your head.

2. Ask Yourself: “What Would I Say to a Friend?” 

One of my favorite tools to use when teaching clients about self-compassion in session is this simple question: If someone I loved were in this situation, what would I say to them? 

Chances are, you wouldn’t tell your friend they’re a failure or that they should’ve known better. You’d likely offer empathy, encouragement, or a reminder that they’re human. Now try turning that same response inward.

3. Practice Mindful Self-Validation 

Self-compassion means allowing yourself to feel your emotions without minimizing them or making yourself wrong for having them. If you’re feeling sad, overwhelmed, ashamed, or disappointed, give yourself permission to feel that way. 

You might say: 

  • “It makes sense that I feel this way.” 

  • “This is hard, and I’m doing the best I can.” 

  • “Other people would likely feel this way too.” 

This is mindful validation—acknowledging your feelings without judgment, and reminding yourself you’re not alone in them. 

4. Notice the “Shoulds” 

A lot of self-criticism comes from the hidden expectations we place on ourselves:

I should be further along.

I shouldn’t feel this way.

I should’ve handled that better. 

When you catch a “should” creeping in, pause and ask yourself: 

  • Where did this expectation come from?

  • Is this truly my value—or someone else’s?

  • What would it look like to show myself kindness instead?

Often, these “shoulds” are inherited beliefs, perfectionist standards, or cognitive distortions that need gentle examination and release.

5. Try Writing Yourself a Compassionate Letter 

Writing can be a powerful tool for emotional healing. Set aside time to write a letter to yourself—from the perspective of someone who loves you unconditionally. A trusted friend, your future self, or even an ideal nurturing figure. 

In the letter, offer understanding for whatever you’re struggling with. Validate your feelings. Encourage yourself with hope and warmth. Read the letter back anytime your inner critic gets loud. 

Want more concrete ideas to get started? Try these self-compassion exercises for critical self-talk

If self-compassion doesn’t come naturally to you, you’re not alone. Many of us learned to motivate ourselves through criticism, or were taught that being hard on ourselves was somehow upstanding. But healing doesn’t happen through shame. Growth doesn’t happen through self-punishment. Real change happens when we learn to treat ourselves with the same empathy we so freely give others. 

So today, take a small step. Speak to yourself gently. Pause before criticizing. Offer yourself grace, even if you’re not sure you deserve it yet.

When Self-Compassion Feels Out of Reach

And if self-compassion feels like a foreign language right now, that’s okay—you don’t have to learn it alone. Our team of Austin-based therapists can help you build a kinder relationship with yourself and strengthen your emotional well-being.

Reach out today to schedule a session.

 

Meet Justine Hughes, Austin Therapist: Supporting Couples and Individuals

 

At Austin Relational Wellness, we’re proud to introduce Justine Hughes, one of our therapists dedicated to helping people cultivate stronger relationships and more meaningful lives. Justine works with both couples and individuals, creating a space where vulnerability, curiosity, and compassion open the door to connection and growth. Her work is rooted in the belief that relationships, with others and with ourselves, are powerful places for healing and transformation.

My Approach in the Therapy Room

I’m a therapist who works with both couples and individuals who are longing for deeper, more fulfilling relationships and lives. Over the years, I’ve had the privilege of sitting with people in many different seasons—when relationships feel conflict-ridden, when the spark seems to have faded, or when life has brought unexpected losses that shake the ground beneath them. My training is rooted in attachment-informed, psychodynamic, and experiential approaches, which means I pay close attention to emotions in the moment, look at relational patterns, and gently explore the unconscious ways our past might be shaping the present. I see therapy as a collaborative process where we identify the underlying sources of pain and move together toward growth, empowerment, and connection.

Why I Chose to Become a Therapist

I chose this work because I deeply believe in the power of relationships and that my natural gifts lie in connecting with others. So often, the places where we struggle the most are also where we long to feel safe, understood, and loved. Becoming a therapist felt like a natural path for me and the best use of my curiosity in others. I wanted to hold space for people when life feels overwhelming, confusing, or lonely. I know how transformative it can be when someone feels truly seen and supported, and I wanted to be that presence for others, just as my own therapists have been for me. I feel my experience first and foremost as a client of therapy provides me with both deeper insight and immense confidence in the power of this work. 

What I’m Passionate About in Therapy

What lights me up in the therapy room is witnessing people rediscover themselves and their connections. I love when a couple finds a new way to communicate that opens the door to intimacy, or when an individual begins to feel empowered in their own voice. Those moments of realization and reconnection, when clients can feel both safe and brave, are what I’m most passionate about. My role is to help tend to the tender places with compassion, so clients can move toward relationships and lives that feel more whole and alive.

Beyond the Therapy Space

Outside of therapy, I try to practice what I preach about connection and presence. Though sometimes that looks like deep conversations with friends, and other times it’s me binge-watching a new show, downing a burger. I love being outdoors, exploring new places, and laughing a lot (usually at my own jokes). I also find a lot of joy in slowing down, whether that’s with a good meal, a long walk, or simply doing nothing at all. Life can get heavy, so I make it a point to soak up the lighthearted, silly moments wherever I can and really enjoy my people! 

If you’re ready to take the next step toward healthier, more connected relationships, Justine is here to walk alongside you. Whether through couples therapy to rebuild intimacy or individual therapy to rediscover your own voice, she offers a supportive and empowering space for growth. Reach out to Austin Relational Wellness today to schedule with Justine Hughes and begin your path toward deeper connection and lasting change.

Justine Hughes, MA, LMFT Associate

Offering Couples Therapy and Individual Therapy in Austin, TX and Online to Texas residents!

 

How Active Listening Can Transform Conflict in Your Relationship

 

Have you ever been in an argument with your partner and found your body tense, heart racing, only to realize later that both you and your partner never really solved the problem or listened to one another?

You are not alone. 

Why Conflict Feels So Overwhelming

When emotions rise, our bodies do what they’re wired to do: protect, defend, shut down, or flee. In these moments, it becomes harder to communicate and listen effectively because we’re in a fight-or-flight response. This often leads to a breakdown in communication, leaving both partners feeling misunderstood, lonely, or unseen.

And yet, it’s in these very moments, when it feels hardest, that the skill of active listening matters most.

What It Means to Practice Active Listening

Active listening is a way of showing connection in the most difficult of times. It doesn’t mean being passive or agreeable. In fact, it’s quite the opposite. Remaining present in conflict takes immense courage.

Active listening is a skill that’s built like a muscle. Many of us did not gain these skills from a safe other who modeled how to stay present when emotions ran high. It’s no wonder this skill gets brushed off as “simple,” but in truth, it’s one of the most challenging to practice when you're activated or escalated in an argument.

It requires slowing down, regulating your nervous system, releasing the need to control the outcome, and choosing connection in the middle of the storm.

What a task!

Ways to Begin Growing in Active Listening

Pause and Breathe

  • Slowing down your body's fight-or-flight response gives you the opportunity to move from reacting to responding.

  • Try taking 5 deep breaths to help you get into a more manageable emotional space.

Reflect Before You React

  • Active listening means focusing on what your partner is saying instead of preparing your comeback. Slowing down helps you listen to understand, not just to respond reactively.

  • Try saying: “What I hear you saying is...” instead of, “That’s not what happened!”

    👉 Related Reading: Defensiveness: Stop Blaming Your Partner and Start Taking Responsibility

Validate Feelings

  • Acknowledging emotions builds connection. Even if you disagree with the story, you can still validate how your partner is feeling.

  • Try saying: “I can see why that would feel painful.”

Repair When You Miss It

How Active Listening Builds Connection in Relationships

Practicing active listening does not remove conflict from your marriage or relationship, but it can help change the way you have conflict. We all have moments when we’re reactive and things don’t go the way we hoped. But the skill of returning to presence, again and again, is what builds connection and security. It becomes part of the foundation for a lifelong, resilient relationship.

Next Steps: Building Lasting Relationship Skills Together

We can learn these skills with one another. If you’re starting this work solo, you may want to read Taking the First Step: Navigating Relationship Challenges on Your Own. If you and your partner would like support in learning how to build active listening and communication skills, we at Austin Relational Wellness would love to walk alongside you in this journey. Book a session today and take the first step toward a healthier, more connected relationship.

 

What Is the Negative Cycle in EFT Couples Therapy?

 

Understanding the Negative Cycle in Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) for Couples

The negative cycle, also known as the "demon dance" or "dance of disconnection," is a key concept in Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT). It refers to the pattern of negative interactions and reactions that can occur between partners in a relationship.

The negative cycle is often characterized by a pattern of emotional withdrawal, criticism, defensiveness, or other negative behaviors that can trigger negative reactions in the partner. For example, one partner may criticize the other for being emotionally distant, which can cause the other partner to withdraw even further, leading to further criticism and resentment.

EFT couples therapy helps couples identify their negative cycles and understand the underlying emotions and needs that drive them. Through this process, couples can learn to recognize and interrupt the negative cycle, replacing it with more positive and adaptive patterns of interaction.

The negative cycle is a common issue in relationships, but it can be particularly damaging if it becomes a habitual pattern. By working to break the negative cycle and develop more positive patterns of interaction, couples can build stronger and more fulfilling relationships.

Is EFT Backed by Research?

Yes, EFT is supported by a large body of research and has been shown to be effective for a variety of relationship issues.

Numerous studies have demonstrated the effectiveness of EFT for improving relationship satisfaction and reducing relationship distress, as well as for treating individual issues such as depression, anxiety, and post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). EFT has also been found to be effective for diverse populations, including couples of different races and sexual orientations.

For example, a meta-analysis of 86 studies found that EFT was highly effective in improving relationship satisfaction and reducing relationship distress, with effect sizes similar to or larger than those of other forms of couple therapy. Another meta-analysis found that EFT was effective in improving individual mental health outcomes, such as reducing symptoms of depression and anxiety.

EFT has also proven helpful for specific relationship challenges such as infidelity and trauma. One study found that EFT significantly improved relationship satisfaction and reduced trauma symptoms in couples dealing with infidelity.

Overall, the research suggests that EFT couples therapy is a highly effective form of therapy for improving both relational and individual mental health outcomes.

Ready to Break the Cycle and Reconnect?

If you and your partner feel stuck in painful patterns of disconnection, you’re not alone. You don’t have to keep navigating it by yourselves. Emotionally Focused Therapy offers a proven path forward, helping couples move from conflict and shutdown into deeper understanding and connection. If you're looking for EFT couples therapy in Austin, reach out to connect with one of our therapists. We're here to help you rebuild, together.

Written by Cat van der Westhuizen, LPC, LMFT

Providing Couples Therapy in Austin and Individual Counseling for those looking to deepen connection, improve communication, and create lasting change.

 

5 Books Every Couple Should Read This Summer: Couples Therapist Picks

 

As Summer approaches quickly, you may be looking for a poolside read, maybe something that is enriching and cultivating of your relationships. Reading a book on relationships with your partner can be an excellent way to spark meaningful conversations, provide shared language, and offer insight into intimacy, connection, and communication. It can also be illuminating to read about other relationships that are going through similar challenges to those you and your partner may be facing.

The following five books have been pivotal over the past five years in helping couples and therapists grow in their understanding of what makes relationships work. Whether you're navigating everyday stressors or hoping to reconnect on a deeper level, these reads can support your journey toward a more fulfilling partnership, enhancing your connection and intimacy.

1. The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work by John Gottman and Nan Silver (Updated Edition - 2019)

The Gottmans are leading voices in the world of couples counseling. Their principles, founded in decades of extensive research, have proven to help couples build strong, resilient relationships. Within this book, you’ll find tools for resolving conflict, building emotional intimacy, and strengthening the friendship at the heart of your partnership. With guided exercises and real-life examples, this book is a great place to begin your relational work.  

2. Fair Play by Eve Rodsky (2019)

No partnership is spared from household tasks and responsibilities. Rodsky refers to these as the “invisible load,” which can create added pressure and tension in a relationship. To address this issue, Rodsky develolped the Fair Play card system, which helps couples explore this invisible load and redistribute tasks more equitably. This system encourages communicating more openly about needs and everyday tasks. This book is great for working partners struggling to make sense of and achieve a better balance at home.


3. Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment by Amir Levine and Rachel Heller (2018 Edition)

Understanding your attachment style is an important step in recognizing how you and partner relate to one another. This book breaks down the basics of secure, anxious, and avoidant attachment styles, providing clear examples and practical insights to help you build a healthier and more secure attachment and connection. It’s a helpful resource for anyone interested in exploring how past experiences may impact present day relational dynamics.

4. Come As You Are: The Surprising New Science That Will Transform Your Sex Life by Emily Nagoski (Revised Edition - 2021)

Sex and intimacy challenges are among the most common reasons people seek couples counseling. It’s a topic that can be vulnerable, confusing, and even lead toconflict. Within this book, Nagasaki explores, through both scientific insights and compassionate understanding, the dynamics of sexual responses, desire patterns, and the emotional connections to pleasure. She gently guides the reader to reframe sexual challenges not as problems but as opportunities for curiosity, communication, and increased emotional and physical intimacy. 

5. Us: Getting Past You and Me to Build a More Loving Relationship by Terrence Real (2022)

In this book, Terry Real explores the culture of individualism and how it undermines intimacy in our relationships. He reframes conflict and connection by emphasizing collaboration rather than competition for our needs to be met. Real helps identify and shift the perspective from “you and me” to “us.” This book offers a fresh perspective on vulnerability and cultivating empathy in our relationships. 

When to Take the Next Step and Start Couples Therapy

While books can’t replace the power of therapy, they can be an excellent tool to support reflection, growth, and meaningful conversations in your relationships. If you’re looking to go deeper, working with a couples therapist can provide the personalized support and guidance you need. Don’t hesitate to reach out and book a session with one of our specialized couples therapists—we’d be honored to support you on your journey toward a thriving relationship. 

Experienced couples therapist in Austin supporting relationship growth
 

You’re Saying Sorry the Wrong Way: A Therapist’s Guide to Real Apologies

 

As a licensed couples therapist in Austin, one of the most common hurdles we tackle in couples therapy and that I see in relationships in general is the struggle to offer—and receive—a genuine, real apology. Maybe you’ve been there: You or your partner says “sorry,” but the tension doesn’t go away. Or you hear an apology that somehow leaves you feeling even less understood.

You wonder, Why doesn’t that count? Isn’t saying sorry enough?

For many people, the act of apologizing feels vulnerable, confusing, or even threatening. Maybe you didn’t grow up seeing healthy apologies modeled in the relationships or marriages around you. Maybe you equate apologizing with admitting you're a bad person. Or maybe you're not sure what a real apology is supposed to sound like. 

Let’s break down what an effective apology is (and isn’t), and walk through some practical tips on how to apologize in a relationship the right way—so your words can actually foster healing, reconnection, and emotional intimacy.

1. Start With Clear, Direct Responsibility 

An effective apology names what happened—clearly and without defensiveness. 

Example: “I snapped at you during our conversation, and I can see that it hurt you.” 

Not: “I’m sorry if I upset you.” 

That little word “if” can make your partner feel like their reaction is the problem. When in doubt, drop qualifiers and name your behavior. 

2. Acknowledge the Emotional Impact with Empathy

Take a moment to reflect on how your actions made your partner feel. Then say it out loud.

Example: “I imagine it felt really invalidating when I dismissed your concerns.” 

This shows that you’re not just checking a box—you’re tapping into empathy and trying to understand their experience. This deepens emotional intimacy and helps your partner feel understood.

3. Avoid Defensiveness and Excuses 

It’s tempting to justify your actions, especially if you didn’t mean to hurt your partner. But remember: intent does not cancel out impact. 

Example: “Even though I was feeling overwhelmed, it wasn’t okay to take it out on you.” 

Not: “I was just stressed. You were being really intense.” 

Responsibility and context can co-exist. A good apology owns what happened and saves the explanation for later, if your partner asks for it. 

4. Express Genuine Regret 

Let your partner know that you care about the hurt your actions caused—not just that it caused conflict, but that it hurt them personally. 

Example: “It really bothers me to know that I made you feel alone. That’s the last thing I want.”

This is the emotional glue of a meaningful apology. It fosters connection and helps rebuild emotional intimacy and safety.

5. Commit to Change 

Even the most heartfelt apology will fall flat if the behavior keeps repeating. Talk about what you’ll do differently next time. 

Example: “Next time I feel overwhelmed, I’ll ask for a break instead of shutting down.” 

You don’t have to be perfect, but effort matters. Apologies create trust when they’re backed by action. That’s the core of true relationship repair.

6. Give Your Partner Space to Respond 

A good apology is not a monologue—it’s the start of a dialogue. After you’ve apologized, give your partner a chance to express how they feel. Don’t rush to move on or expect instant forgiveness. 

Example: “Is there anything else you want me to understand?”

TL;DR: How to Apologize in a Relationship the Right Way

An effective apology has five key ingredients: 

  1. Clarity – State what you did. 

  2. Empathy – Acknowledge the hurt. 

  3. Ownership – No excuses or blame. 

  4. Regret – Show you care about the impact. 

  5. Repair – Commit to doing better. 

A real apology isn’t just about saying the words—it’s about taking ownership, showing empathy, and making the other person feel seen and valued. Sincere apologies don’t just fix problems—they build emotional intimacy.

They say: I see you. I hear you. You matter to me. 

If you or your partner struggle with apologies or with communication in general, couples therapy can be a safe space to explore these patterns and build new ones.

Looking for Austin couples therapy? We're here to help you reconnect.

 

What to Expect in Your First Couples Therapy Session in Austin

 

Deciding to begin couples therapy is a big step—one that takes courage, commitment, and a shared desire for growth. Whether you and your partner are facing a specific challenge or simply want to strengthen your relationship, that first therapy session can feel like a mix of hope and uncertainty. As a licensed marriage and family therapist, I want to help you feel prepared and confident about what to expect during your first couples therapy session. 

What Happens in Your First Couples Therapy Session 

Your initial session serves as a foundation for your therapy journey. It’s an opportunity for you, your partner, and your therapist to establish trust, set expectations, and begin to understand the dynamics of your relationship. Here’s what typically happens: 

1. Introductions and Creating a Safe Space 

Your therapist will begin by introducing themselves and outlining their approach to therapy. They will also discuss confidentiality and how therapy sessions will be conducted. The goal is to create a safe and supportive environment where both partners feel heard and respected. 

2. Understanding Your Relationship Story 

Your therapist will ask questions about your relationship history—how you met, significant milestones, and what has brought you to therapy at this time. This helps the therapist get a sense of your dynamic, strengths, and challenges. 

3. Identifying Your Therapy Goals

Together, you and your partner will discuss what you hope to gain from therapy. Are you looking to improve communication? Rebuild trust? Strengthen intimacy? Understanding your couples therapy goals helps the therapist tailor the sessions to your unique needs. 

4. Establishing a Plan for Future Sessions 

Before wrapping up, your therapist will discuss the structure of future sessions and what you can expect moving forward. This may include setting up a schedule for sessions, discussing the couples therapist's therapeutic approach, and outlining strategies to work on between sessions. The goal is to ensure both partners feel comfortable and committed to the process. 

Common Concerns About Starting Couples Therapy

It’s natural to have concerns before starting therapy. Here are a few common ones: 

● What if we disagree during the session? That’s okay! The therapist is there to help navigate conflicts in a productive way. 

● Will the therapist take sides? No. A licensed couples therapist remains neutral, ensuring both partners feel validated and heard. 

● What if one of us is hesitant about therapy? It’s common for one partner to be more eager than the other. The therapist will work to create a comfortable space for both of you to engage in the process at your own pace. 

Moving Forward Together: Next Steps After Your First Couples Therapy Session

The first session is just the beginning. Couples therapy is a journey that takes time, effort, and patience. With an open mind and a willingness to grow, you and your partner can create a stronger, healthier relationship. 

If you’re considering couples therapy, I encourage you to take that first step with curiosity and hope. The path to deeper connection starts with one conversation at a time.

 

5 Ways Couples Therapy Can Strengthen Your Relationship

 
Therapy session focused on building trust and communication in Austin couple

Maintaining a healthy relationship requires ongoing effort and commitment. All relationships can go through challenges, making it difficult to stay connected. During times of stress and disconnection, seeking guidance from couples therapy can offer a structured space to explore and work to strengthen your relationship. A common misconception of starting couples therapy is that therapy is only for relationships that are in disarray.

While couples therapy can be incredibly beneficial for times of stress to help regulate and de-escalate tension, it can also be used as a valuable tool for gaining a deeper understanding of yourself and your partner.

Couples therapy session in Austin focused on communication and connection

Here are just 5 ways that couples therapy can strengthen your relationship: 

  1. Gain a Deeper Understanding of Yourself and Your Partner

    One of the most impactful aspects of couples therapy is the opportunity to slow down and tune in to one another. In our busy lives, it’s easy to fall into autopilot and miss the chance for genuine connection. Couples therapy can help provide communication skills and an environment to help attune and learn to understand one another better. 

  2. Improve Communication in Your Relationship

    When we’re hurt or frustrated, it can be challenging to communicate effectively. Effective communication is at the heart of any strong relationship. In therapy, you acquire tools to express your feelings and needs clearly, even when emotions run high. Better communication not only leads to a deeper understanding of one another but also helps keep your emotional responses regulated, creating a calmer, more supportive interaction even during conflicts.

  3. Build Conflict Resolution Skills that Last

    Conflict is a natural part of every relationship. Sometimes, couples can feel stuck in repetitive patterns of distress, where even though the content changes, the same pattern reemerges, leading to increased tension. Couples therapy can help you break these patterns by equipping you with the tools and skills necessary to resolve and repair conflicts before they escalate to burnout or disconnection.

    For a deep dive into identifying and shifting unhelpful cycles, check out our post on Understanding Your Negative Pattern: What is Emotionally Focused Therapy.

  4. Deepen Trust and Emotional Safety with Your Partner

    In our relationships, we look to one another to understand whether we are available, responsive, and emotionally engaged. In couples therapy, you can learn how to create a safe and secure way of relating to one another, which helps foster trust and emotional safety within the relationship.

    Check out Unlock the Secret to a Stronger Marriage with the A.R.E. of EFT and Attachment Theory to explore using the A.R.E. framework (Accessibility, Responsiveness, and Engagement).

  5. Learn to Identify and Express Relationship Needs

    Expressing our needs in a relationship is essential to connection. However, articulating what we need and ensuring our partner understands can be challenging. Therapy can help you practice communicating your needs more effectively, ensuring that both partners are understood and heard, which can foster a more empathetic and responsive relationship.

Austin couples working on strengthening their relationship through therapy
Experienced couples therapist in Austin supporting relationship growth
 

Beyond the Bedroom: A Therapist's Perspective on Building Emotional Intimacy in Couples Therapy

 

Intimacy is one of the most important aspects of a healthy, fulfilling relationship—yet it is also one of the most complex and sensitive topics couples navigate. Whether you are facing emotional disconnection, differences in sexual desire, or challenges in physical closeness, discussing intimacy concerns in couples therapy can be a transformative step toward deeper connection and understanding. If you and your partner are considering couples therapy to explore intimacy, here’s what to expect and how to approach this important conversation. 

Understanding Intimacy Beyond the Physical 

When many couples think about intimacy, they often focus on the physical or sexual aspects. While physical closeness, including sex, is a key component, true intimacy extends beyond the bedroom. Emotional intimacy—feeling seen, heard, and valued by your partner—is just as essential. Many couples struggle with intimacy because emotional barriers, unresolved conflicts, or external stressors make it difficult to connect on a deeper level. 

Creating a Safe Space for Vulnerability 

Talking about intimacy can feel uncomfortable, especially if past conversations have led to misunderstandings or hurt feelings. One of the biggest benefits of couples therapy is the creation of a safe, neutral space where both partners can express their thoughts and feelings without fear of judgment or blame. 

A couples therapist helps facilitate these conversations with care, ensuring that both partners feel heard and understood. Couples therapy is not about taking sides but about fostering open, honest communication that leads to mutual growth and healing.

Identifying and Overcoming Barriers 

Many factors can contribute to intimacy concerns in a relationship. Some common barriers include: 

  • Unresolved conflicts – Lingering resentment or unspoken frustrations can create emotional distance. 

  • Mismatched desire levels – Differences in libido or sexual needs can lead to feelings of rejection or pressure when discussing sex. 

  • Past trauma or negative experiences – Previous experiences, whether from childhood or past relationships, can shape one’s comfort level with intimacy. 

  • Life stressors – Work, parenting, financial stress, or health concerns can impact emotional and physical connection.

In couples therapy, we work together to identify these barriers and develop strategies to address them in a way that feels safe and supportive for both partners. 

Rebuilding Connection Through Communication 

A major focus of intimacy work in couples therapy is improving communication. Many couples struggle to talk about their needs and desires because they fear rejection or conflict. Couples therapy can help provide tools to communicate in ways that foster connection rather than distance. 

Some techniques that can be helpful include: 

  • Using “I” statements – Expressing feelings in a way that focuses on personal experience rather than blame (e.g., “I feel disconnected when we don’t spend quality time together” instead of “You never make time for me”). 

  • Active listening – Truly hearing and validating your partner’s feelings before responding.

  • Reframing intimacy as a shared experience – Approaching intimacy as a journey you are on together, rather than an obligation or expectation.

Taking Small Steps Toward Greater Intimacy 

Intimacy is not something that changes overnight, but small, intentional actions can make a significant impact. Therapy often includes guided exercises or homework assignments that encourage couples to rebuild their connection outside of sessions. This might include non-sexual touch, expressing appreciation more frequently, or scheduling intentional time together without distractions. 

By approaching intimacy as an evolving process, rather than a problem to fix, couples can cultivate a deeper, more fulfilling connection over time. 

Is Couples Therapy Right for You? 

If you and your partner are struggling with emotional or physical intimacy, seeking couples therapy is a proactive and compassionate step toward understanding each other more deeply. No matter where you are in your relationship, therapy can provide the tools, support, and guidance needed to foster a healthier, more connected partnership. 

Intimacy concerns are normal in long-term relationships, and addressing them with openness and curiosity can lead to greater closeness and fulfillment. If you’re considering couples therapy, know that you’re not alone—and that meaningful change is possible with the right support.

 

Tips From a Licensed Couples Therapist On Navigating Work/Life Balance

 

In today’s fast-paced world, maintaining a healthy work/life balance is more challenging than ever. As a licensed couples therapist, I’ve worked with countless individuals and couples grappling with the stress of balancing professional demands with personal relationships. Fortunately, with mindful strategies and open communication, it’s possible to reclaim balance and thrive both at work and home. 

1. Define Your Priorities Together 

For couples, aligning on shared priorities is crucial. Sit down together and discuss what’s most important to you both—whether it’s spending more time as a family, pursuing personal hobbies, or advancing your careers. This clarity can help guide your decisions and set boundaries that align with your shared goals. 

2. Set Realistic Expectations 

Perfection isn’t the goal—balance is. Accept that some days, work may take precedence, while other days personal life will. Avoid comparing yourself to others and focus on creating a routine that works for your unique circumstances. 

3. Create Non-Negotiable Time Blocks 

Establish specific times dedicated to work, family, and self-care. Treat these blocks as sacred appointments that can’t be interrupted unless absolutely necessary. For example, commit to family dinners or an hour of uninterrupted quality time with your partner each evening. 

4. Communicate Needs and Boundaries 

Open and honest communication is the cornerstone of any healthy relationship. Let your partner know when you’re feeling overwhelmed and what you need from them for support. At work, advocate for realistic deadlines and set boundaries, such as not checking emails after a certain hour. 

5. Share Responsibilities 

For couples, dividing household responsibilities can alleviate stress and foster teamwork. Create a shared task list and delegate based on each other’s strengths and availability. Remember, balance is a team effort! 

6. Unplug to Reconnect 

Technology often blurs the line between work and personal life. Set aside device-free time to focus on each other, whether it’s during meals, date nights, or before bed. These moments can nurture emotional intimacy and provide a much-needed break from the digital world. 

7. Practice Self-Care 

Self-care isn’t selfish—it’s essential. Ensure that both you and your partner are carving out time for individual activities that rejuvenate you, whether it’s exercise, meditation, or pursuing a hobby. When you’re both taking care of yourselves, you’ll have more energy to give to each other. 

Achieving work/life balance is an ongoing process that requires intention and effort. By prioritizing communication, setting boundaries, and supporting each other, you can create a life that feels fulfilling both professionally and personally.

If work/life imbalance is causing persistent conflict or stress in your relationship, seeking professional guidance through individual therapy or couples therapy can be incredibly beneficial. A couples therapist can provide tools and strategies to help you navigate these challenges and strengthen your partnership.